[akaza had very deliberately not given his word, not verbally agreed to kyojuro's proposition. why is it, then, that it feels as if he did? had he unconsciously promised it to himself, or is it simply the right thing to do?
gods, he misses not giving two shits about what was right and what was wrong. but he can't just forget everything again, and he isn't sure he would want to if given the choice. so it is that once night falls, he does as kyojuro instructed -- mostly. he does make his way to the inn, but he doesn't seek out a room for himself; he follows the light of kyojuro's fighting spirit, not a wildfire as it had been in battle, but an unmistakable blaze nonetheless.
once he's certain of the door kyojuro is behind, akaza stops. rather than disturbing him, though, he simply folds his arms and leans against the hallway wall in front of his room. he has no doubt that the slayer is just as aware of his presence, and can initiate... something if he so chooses. putting the basketball in kyojuro's court, so to speak.]
[For better or for worse, Kyojuro has swiftly realized that — thanks to his honed senses — Akaza's presence is like a beacon, an ever flitting light dancing at the corner of his vision. It should have been easy enough to ignore, considering the fact that Akaza didn't seem keen on moving throughout the day, but... No, that fact alone only proved to intrigue Kyojuro all the more?
Or did it worry him? Certainly not. Tentative deal or no, Akaza was a demon, and Rengoku Kyojuro simply did not worry about demons. Nezuko had been an exception, given her ties to humanity.
But something in Akaza had shifted, and that shift had turned into a pyre that Kyojuro felt drawn to. For some reason, he felt relief when that chilling presence began to move in his direction. Akaza had decided to heed his advice, to enter the inn and...
Come to his door? How interesting.
Certainly, Kyojuro could have kept it at that. Leave Akaza to his task of... guarding the door? It was hard to say what exactly was happening there, only that the demon simply wasn't moving. And that sense of curiosity burned ever brighter within Kyojuro's mind.
Besides, at this rate he was bound to scare the other citizens of this town, wasn't he?
When Kyojuro opens the door, he does so with a quirked brow. His haori has been carefully hung up, while the top button of his uniform had been allowed to come undone.]
You know, this was not what I meant when I encouraged you to seek refuge at the inn. Do you need assistance in finding a room?
[when the door opens, akaza notes a sense of relief wash over him that kyojuro is, in fact, interested in speaking with him again. that lasts for all of two seconds, as he takes the blond's words in likely the worst way possible. like hell is he going to allow his disappointment to show, though. he exercises every single muscle in his face to keep his expression neutral, nonchalant, even.]
I don't sleep. What use would I have for a room? [he allows a moment to pass, embodying "cool and collected" and not at all upset.] If you want me to move along, just say so.
Sleep or no, I simply figured you would want your own place to stay, come daylight.
[Beyond that, Kyojuro has nothing else to say. He steps back into his room, door left wide open. There's plenty he wants to ask Akaza (even if he doubts he'll get any answers). The only way to do that is to share a space with him.
Come on in, Basketboy. Kyojuro takes a seat on the bed, motioning to the chair near the small table in the room. Make yourself at home.]
[... a fair point, and something to consider if a malevolent force within the forest is seeking power.
even posting himself up outside, akaza didn't expect to ever be invited in, but his curiosity is driving him forward as much as kyojuro's is, so he acquiesces. on the chair, he sits on folded legs the same he had on the forest floor.
akaza isn't stupid. he knows that kyojuro is baffled by the change in him, and is likely to snoop into the matter. he isn't sure yet how honest he wants to be with the demon slayer, but he knows that he wants it to be on his own terms, not the result of an interrogation. he has to cling to whatever power he has left, even if it's just the power to control what secrets he shares.
so he heads it off, glancing up at kyojuro and trying to still channel the illusion of indifference.]
A question for a question. If that sounds fair to you, then go ahead.
[Now that they've settled into something of a truce, Kyojuro has the chance to study Akaza beyond what was necessary to simply survive. The posture he settles into, the way he holds himself, it all indicates a strict training at some point in his life. It's hard to beleive someone so disciplined would ever deviate from the path of righteousness but... then again, he had heard of many missteps through the history of the corps.
In any case, there is no opposition to the proposal Akaza offers. Kyojuro nods his assent as he settles back onto the bed. It isn't long until he finds himself humming as he considers his first question. There was much he could ask, so very much he wanted to know about the demon. But he's no fool. he can tell that a tension still lingers between them. Charging straight in and demanding answers was only going to push Akaza backward.
Besides, there were plenty of things far more important than his own curiosity. Namely:]
[admittedly, he hadn't even considered that kyojuro would ask about someone other than himself. hah. even with his human memories back, he's still just a selfish demon.
his expression falls for a moment, something far too fragile, like guilt or shame, glinting in his eyes. he angles his gaze toward the floor so that he doesn't have to see the disappointment and worry in kyojuro's. coward.]
That man has every last one of them trapped in his domain. Our orders were to massacre them all in one fell swoop.
[Well, good news. Akaza wouldn't need to see the emotion there anyway. Kyojuro finds his eyes closing all the same. That predicted worry wells up within his chest, tight enough to make his throat constrict. One second passes, then two, before he exhales the fear away.
His eyes open.]
I am confident in their ability to pull through.
[Besides, if Akaza was there with him, it meant they'd already taken a major step in that direction. He would keep his hope alive, for as long as necessary.]
[unfortunately, akaza has very little left in the way of hope. sure, he would like to believe that the rest of the demons' ranks wouldn't live to hide from the next sunrise, but he was only upper three, and the slayers were outnumbered by the hundreds. the odds are abysmal.
he takes his time thinking of a question, making it into a competition in his own head, like anything he does. whatever he asks should catch kyojuro just as off guard, should be as insightful... but there's really only one that's been burning in his mind.]
How did you do it? Hold to your principles, even when you knew you would lose everything because of it?
[Kyojuro, then, will have to maintain enough hope for the both of them, it would seem. Not that he's aware of that fact. He'll just do it, because what is he if not a ray of fucking sunshine.
A ray of sunshine that is, indeed, surprised by the question. He expected something of a similar nature, maybe, but phrased in the interest of condemnation, rather than what felt like curiosity. He also has to admit, it's a terribly easy question to answer, unhelpful though it may be.]
I simply did. [And no, he can't help but laugh at that.] I promised my mother, at a young age, that I would use my strength to protect others, because that is what I was born to do. To waver from that path would be a disservice to her.
[a scoff escapes him -- he couldn't hold it back even if he tried.]
Like it's so easy. [it's such a kyojuro answer, too. why did he expect anything different? akaza rolls his eyes, but bites back any further pessimistic remarks. it isn't his turn anymore, after all.]
[sorry we can't all be effortless beacons of integrity, mister hashira.
yet again, akaza is caught unawares. a short time ago, he would have had as simple an answer as kyojuro's, but his entire world has been thrown out of orbit.]
I don't know. [the answer is honest, his tone neither combative nor defensive, but still, he doubts that it will satisfy kyojuro.]
[It both is and isn't the answer Kyojuro expected. The Akaza from his freshest of memories surely would have responded with "strength." And yet, judging by the turbulence he can sense in demon, he has no doubt in his mind that his world view has been altered.
Another hum leaves him.]
Then I suppose that is something to think on, isn't it? Perhaps one day, when you find an ideal that truly speaks to you, you will understand my perspective.
It's not that I don't understand having a personal code, or have never had one. [not at all what the guy was getting at but okay, whatever helps you stare into the void at night.]
How do you stay so infuriatingly chipper? You met your goal that night, but surely you've seen countless comrades fall.
[Perhaps infuriatingly, Kyojuro only smirks at Akaza's vehement defense. Keep telling yourself that, buddy.]
I know all too well what it means to have eyes on me, at all times. I have a younger brother, you see. [He doesn't mind saying this here, when Senjuro is safe in another life out there.] I never wanted to see him suffer sorrow. By keeping a smile on my own face, it became easier for him to believe everything would be okay.
It became the same with my juniors. You and I both know how cruel the world we come from is. If maintaining a smile meant that those children could keep fighting on just a little longer, then why wouldn't I?
[his words only seem to frustrate akaza more. his fangs flash as he tries in vain to make sense of them.]
You say you don't want your brother to know sorrow, but you let his big brother die. You give low-ranked [not "weak." he doesn't say "weak."] demon slayers false hope, knowing they go to their deaths. All this in the name of your morals. Doesn't it feel like lying? [this is what he meant when he balked at it being "easy." these things are never easy. they're fucking complicated and hard.]
[The choice of wording isn't lost on Kyojuro. His eyes narrow slightly, once again trying to parse out from words alone just what happened to Akaza. He gets the feeling he isn't far off about Kamado's role in it all. Leave it to the boy who changed everything to change this man too.
In any case, he takes the outburst on the chin, and doesn't even once consider pointing out that Akaza's now asked two questions. There's no hesitation in his answer.]
There were only two alternatives in that situation. Perhaps my brother may have been better off, if I had turned tail and run. But I would not have been able to live with myself if I had. It would be breaking that promise. [As for the other slayers...]
You know better than I do, Akaza. [Not demon, like he might have once been inclined to, but his name.] Did those children march to their deaths? Or did they continue to surmount challenges in the wake of that loss?
[akaza only moves in the grit of his teeth and the clench of his fists. no matter how good people like kyojuro try to be, they always lose, one way or the other. there's no winning for someone so sickeningly good. and kyojuro doesn't even have the decency to be sad or guilty or angry about it!
with a breath, he forces his hands open and lays them over his knees. his misplaced anger makes him want to hit things, to rip, smash, bite.
he exhales again. when he finally responds, his tone is almost... remorseful, in spite of his snarling face.]
I told Tanjiro I was glad that you died. That it fueled him to become stronger.
He wouldn't have been able to behead me without the proper motivation.
[How infuriating is it, that Kyojuro decides to laugh in that moment. It's a quick sound, but a far cry from a harsh bark or anything like that. Though the noise doesn't last long, his eyes dance with amusement long after he quiets.
Still, he's quick to clarify that it isn't the beheading that makes him laugh. Rather...]
I am glad that I died, too. Better me than him, or his friends. [But more to the point.] I expect he was furious at your words, though. Maybe I am as well — Kamado is a good boy. He does not deserve the cruelty that the world has chosen to throw at him.
[But if Kyojuro is truly angry, he doesn't seem to show it.]
Do you regret saying it, considering what happened in the end?
[He refers, of course, to Akaza's presumed demise. Did he want to take it back, to avoid pouring fuel on Tanjiro's fire?]
[even when akaza deliberately tries to provoke him, all kyojuro does is continue to laugh that booming laugh and say he's glad. glad to have been murdered, in front of children.
the sheer absurdity of it makes the fight in akaza melt away. all that's left is shame that he's become too tired to mask.]
I... regret piling on to that cruelty. [but no, not that it led to his death.]
[It both is and isn't the answer he expected from Akaza. The words certainly match the man he's coming to know now, but stand at odds against the man he'd known before. If Kyojuro were a different man, he might think to be angry even. Why was Akaza this capable of regret now, after he had been dead and buried? How different would things have been, if he'd had this change of heart sooner.
But Kyojuro's expression remains placid. He simply nods his approval.]
I think I understand you a little better now. [When he smiles this time, it's certainly smaller, but no less warm.] It seems that we might have forgotten the rules of our game, though. Would you like to start us off again?
[this stupid, impossibly earnest man... it's difficult not to relax in his presence. anyone else would readily curse akaza, rub salt in the wound; he deserves to live in this regret after what he's done.
but kyojuro just smiles, still, and likens their mutual delve for sensitive information to a mere game.]
[For the first time since their conversation began, Kyojuro actually seems affected by something Akaza has said. His mouth parts, just long enough for his ever steady breathing to stagger faintly. He draws in a sharp burst of air, as if it might prove to be salve for the ache that blooms in his chest.
But despite it all, the pain that Akaza inflicts, there is no anger. The demon has no way of knowing, after all. This isn't an effort to stick claws into his heart and gouge, but an honest question in response to information Kyojuro had freely given.
When the smile finally manages to form again, it's smaller, but no less warm. Something thoughtful washes over Kyojuro's face, nostalgic even.]
Gentle. She complemented my father's fire wholly, yet embodied the warmth of our family all the same. She loved not just me and my brother, but everyone I suspect. I imagine that was why she was so insistent that I use my strength to protect them all. Without her wisdom, I suspect I would be nothing at all.
She passed when my brother and I were still young.
[it is certainly honest, likely akaza's first bit of genuine curiosity about a human's personal life in forever. he listens intently, but more like a child listens to a fairytale than a predator listens for its prey. yes, it gives context to the man kyojuro is.
then he says passed, and akaza suddenly feels stupid and pitying and overbearing discomfort. the back of his neck prickles, and his eyes dart away. he recalls that he's never been good with these sorts of feelings -- even if kyojuro looks more fond than outright sad.]
I -- didn't realize. [of course he didn't, idiot. kyojuro knows as much. there's no need for explanations or excuses, but he still stumbles.] I never had... [he hisses between his teeth. even freely admitting to something like that still feels like baring his throat, and his demonic instincts tell him not to.]
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timeasmymeasure
the night of his arrival :)
Date: 2025-09-14 11:16 pm (UTC)gods, he misses not giving two shits about what was right and what was wrong. but he can't just forget everything again, and he isn't sure he would want to if given the choice. so it is that once night falls, he does as kyojuro instructed -- mostly. he does make his way to the inn, but he doesn't seek out a room for himself; he follows the light of kyojuro's fighting spirit, not a wildfire as it had been in battle, but an unmistakable blaze nonetheless.
once he's certain of the door kyojuro is behind, akaza stops. rather than disturbing him, though, he simply folds his arms and leans against the hallway wall in front of his room. he has no doubt that the slayer is just as aware of his presence, and can initiate... something if he so chooses. putting the basketball in kyojuro's court, so to speak.]
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Date: 2025-09-14 11:26 pm (UTC)Or did it worry him? Certainly not. Tentative deal or no, Akaza was a demon, and Rengoku Kyojuro simply did not worry about demons. Nezuko had been an exception, given her ties to humanity.
But something in Akaza had shifted, and that shift had turned into a pyre that Kyojuro felt drawn to. For some reason, he felt relief when that chilling presence began to move in his direction. Akaza had decided to heed his advice, to enter the inn and...
Come to his door? How interesting.
Certainly, Kyojuro could have kept it at that. Leave Akaza to his task of... guarding the door? It was hard to say what exactly was happening there, only that the demon simply wasn't moving. And that sense of curiosity burned ever brighter within Kyojuro's mind.
Besides, at this rate he was bound to scare the other citizens of this town, wasn't he?
When Kyojuro opens the door, he does so with a quirked brow. His haori has been carefully hung up, while the top button of his uniform had been allowed to come undone.]
You know, this was not what I meant when I encouraged you to seek refuge at the inn. Do you need assistance in finding a room?
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Date: 2025-09-14 11:38 pm (UTC)I don't sleep. What use would I have for a room? [he allows a moment to pass, embodying "cool and collected" and not at all upset.] If you want me to move along, just say so.
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Date: 2025-09-15 12:00 am (UTC)[Beyond that, Kyojuro has nothing else to say. He steps back into his room, door left wide open. There's plenty he wants to ask Akaza (even if he doubts he'll get any answers). The only way to do that is to share a space with him.
Come on in, Basketboy. Kyojuro takes a seat on the bed, motioning to the chair near the small table in the room. Make yourself at home.]
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Date: 2025-09-15 12:39 am (UTC)even posting himself up outside, akaza didn't expect to ever be invited in, but his curiosity is driving him forward as much as kyojuro's is, so he acquiesces. on the chair, he sits on folded legs the same he had on the forest floor.
akaza isn't stupid. he knows that kyojuro is baffled by the change in him, and is likely to snoop into the matter. he isn't sure yet how honest he wants to be with the demon slayer, but he knows that he wants it to be on his own terms, not the result of an interrogation. he has to cling to whatever power he has left, even if it's just the power to control what secrets he shares.
so he heads it off, glancing up at kyojuro and trying to still channel the illusion of indifference.]
A question for a question. If that sounds fair to you, then go ahead.
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Date: 2025-09-15 12:47 am (UTC)In any case, there is no opposition to the proposal Akaza offers. Kyojuro nods his assent as he settles back onto the bed. It isn't long until he finds himself humming as he considers his first question. There was much he could ask, so very much he wanted to know about the demon. But he's no fool. he can tell that a tension still lingers between them. Charging straight in and demanding answers was only going to push Akaza backward.
Besides, there were plenty of things far more important than his own curiosity. Namely:]
How fares the corps?
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Date: 2025-09-15 12:54 am (UTC)his expression falls for a moment, something far too fragile, like guilt or shame, glinting in his eyes. he angles his gaze toward the floor so that he doesn't have to see the disappointment and worry in kyojuro's. coward.]
That man has every last one of them trapped in his domain. Our orders were to massacre them all in one fell swoop.
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Date: 2025-09-15 12:59 am (UTC)His eyes open.]
I am confident in their ability to pull through.
[Besides, if Akaza was there with him, it meant they'd already taken a major step in that direction. He would keep his hope alive, for as long as necessary.]
I believe that means it's your turn.
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:12 am (UTC)he takes his time thinking of a question, making it into a competition in his own head, like anything he does. whatever he asks should catch kyojuro just as off guard, should be as insightful... but there's really only one that's been burning in his mind.]
How did you do it? Hold to your principles, even when you knew you would lose everything because of it?
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:24 am (UTC)A ray of sunshine that is, indeed, surprised by the question. He expected something of a similar nature, maybe, but phrased in the interest of condemnation, rather than what felt like curiosity. He also has to admit, it's a terribly easy question to answer, unhelpful though it may be.]
I simply did. [And no, he can't help but laugh at that.] I promised my mother, at a young age, that I would use my strength to protect others, because that is what I was born to do. To waver from that path would be a disservice to her.
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:36 am (UTC)Like it's so easy. [it's such a kyojuro answer, too. why did he expect anything different? akaza rolls his eyes, but bites back any further pessimistic remarks. it isn't his turn anymore, after all.]
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:41 am (UTC)But hey, since they're on the subject.]
What are your principles?
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:46 am (UTC)yet again, akaza is caught unawares. a short time ago, he would have had as simple an answer as kyojuro's, but his entire world has been thrown out of orbit.]
I don't know. [the answer is honest, his tone neither combative nor defensive, but still, he doubts that it will satisfy kyojuro.]
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:51 am (UTC)Another hum leaves him.]
Then I suppose that is something to think on, isn't it? Perhaps one day, when you find an ideal that truly speaks to you, you will understand my perspective.
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Date: 2025-09-15 02:02 am (UTC)How do you stay so infuriatingly chipper? You met your goal that night, but surely you've seen countless comrades fall.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-15 02:06 am (UTC)I know all too well what it means to have eyes on me, at all times. I have a younger brother, you see. [He doesn't mind saying this here, when Senjuro is safe in another life out there.] I never wanted to see him suffer sorrow. By keeping a smile on my own face, it became easier for him to believe everything would be okay.
It became the same with my juniors. You and I both know how cruel the world we come from is. If maintaining a smile meant that those children could keep fighting on just a little longer, then why wouldn't I?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-15 02:13 am (UTC)You say you don't want your brother to know sorrow, but you let his big brother die. You give low-ranked [not "weak." he doesn't say "weak."] demon slayers false hope, knowing they go to their deaths. All this in the name of your morals. Doesn't it feel like lying? [this is what he meant when he balked at it being "easy." these things are never easy. they're fucking complicated and hard.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-15 02:18 am (UTC)In any case, he takes the outburst on the chin, and doesn't even once consider pointing out that Akaza's now asked two questions. There's no hesitation in his answer.]
There were only two alternatives in that situation. Perhaps my brother may have been better off, if I had turned tail and run. But I would not have been able to live with myself if I had. It would be breaking that promise. [As for the other slayers...]
You know better than I do, Akaza. [Not demon, like he might have once been inclined to, but his name.] Did those children march to their deaths? Or did they continue to surmount challenges in the wake of that loss?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-15 02:38 am (UTC)with a breath, he forces his hands open and lays them over his knees. his misplaced anger makes him want to hit things, to rip, smash, bite.
he exhales again. when he finally responds, his tone is almost... remorseful, in spite of his snarling face.]
I told Tanjiro I was glad that you died. That it fueled him to become stronger.
He wouldn't have been able to behead me without the proper motivation.
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Date: 2025-09-15 02:43 am (UTC)Still, he's quick to clarify that it isn't the beheading that makes him laugh. Rather...]
I am glad that I died, too. Better me than him, or his friends. [But more to the point.] I expect he was furious at your words, though. Maybe I am as well — Kamado is a good boy. He does not deserve the cruelty that the world has chosen to throw at him.
[But if Kyojuro is truly angry, he doesn't seem to show it.]
Do you regret saying it, considering what happened in the end?
[He refers, of course, to Akaza's presumed demise. Did he want to take it back, to avoid pouring fuel on Tanjiro's fire?]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-15 03:07 am (UTC)the sheer absurdity of it makes the fight in akaza melt away. all that's left is shame that he's become too tired to mask.]
I... regret piling on to that cruelty. [but no, not that it led to his death.]
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Date: 2025-09-15 03:17 am (UTC)But Kyojuro's expression remains placid. He simply nods his approval.]
I think I understand you a little better now. [When he smiles this time, it's certainly smaller, but no less warm.] It seems that we might have forgotten the rules of our game, though. Would you like to start us off again?
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Date: 2025-09-15 01:51 pm (UTC)but kyojuro just smiles, still, and likens their mutual delve for sensitive information to a mere game.]
... You mentioned your mother. What is she like?
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Date: 2025-09-15 02:28 pm (UTC)But despite it all, the pain that Akaza inflicts, there is no anger. The demon has no way of knowing, after all. This isn't an effort to stick claws into his heart and gouge, but an honest question in response to information Kyojuro had freely given.
When the smile finally manages to form again, it's smaller, but no less warm. Something thoughtful washes over Kyojuro's face, nostalgic even.]
Gentle. She complemented my father's fire wholly, yet embodied the warmth of our family all the same. She loved not just me and my brother, but everyone I suspect. I imagine that was why she was so insistent that I use my strength to protect them all. Without her wisdom, I suspect I would be nothing at all.
She passed when my brother and I were still young.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-15 06:15 pm (UTC)then he says passed, and akaza suddenly feels stupid and pitying and overbearing discomfort. the back of his neck prickles, and his eyes dart away. he recalls that he's never been good with these sorts of feelings -- even if kyojuro looks more fond than outright sad.]
I -- didn't realize. [of course he didn't, idiot. kyojuro knows as much. there's no need for explanations or excuses, but he still stumbles.] I never had... [he hisses between his teeth. even freely admitting to something like that still feels like baring his throat, and his demonic instincts tell him not to.]
... Was it a demon?
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