[One way or another, his uniform is opened, revealing scars that look far more faded and healed than they did this morning. Kyojuro does not look down to see it, though. He is afraid to confirm what his mind is already beginning to piece together.]
Akaza - [The volume of his words was already quiet, but now they sound choked. Kyojuro can't tell if it's anger or anguish that roils through him. His own hands fall forward, settling on either side of the wound. Even now, he it feels so much easier to breathe than it did before. He had gotten used to the constant expansion and contraction of still healing scar flesh. It was normal for him — his body was already riddled with such marks.
But now — now is different. Front and back, the pain feels far duller than ever before.]
Why - [He looks up at the man, pleading silently as he tries to make the words come out.] I told you I was recovering. It was all manageable. Why would you -
[He cuts himself off. He knows what he is saying is impossible, even as he knows that it's what Happened.]
[the scar does, indeed, look leagues better than it did when akaza last saw kyojuro's torso. better even than he would expect possible for a mere human, even with the power over death this place has. but akaza's relief is short-lived, replaced swiftly with confusion.]
What do you mean, "why?" Yes, you were recovering, but now -- like this, you'll have even less long-term effects! It was never going to be perfect...
[at this, his own tone grows a little bitter and snide -- the epitome of bratty.]
Though the trader woman refused to transfer the entire wound to me... as if I couldn't handle it.
[The words come out sharp, loud, and far more laced with anger than he meant for them to. Kyojuro cannot help but recoil, not from Akaza, but from himself. A hand is lain over his chest, its weight meant to steady himself as he tries to temper the sharp, acrid feeling within his chest.]
That scar is a mark of the sacrifice I made. It is a choice I still wear with pride. [His voice softens, and he finds it in himself to reach out once more. He lays a hand against Akaza's shoulder, tender as can be.] And taking the mark away will not change what you did.
[of course kyojuro wouldn't want that (even though he should); why else would akaza have gone behind his back to orchestrate it? the way he reacts makes no sense to the demon. he's always lamenting that he isn't as strong as he once was, that he'll likely never be... why wouldn't he ultimately see that it's better this way?
despite the attempt at kindness in those last words, akaza recoils from kyojuro like the man tried to bite.]
Won't -- of course I know it won't! But it still would've meant something. [it should be obvious between the two of them that all akaza has been chasing since he got here was repentance. akaza taking away the pain and debilitation from kyojuro's scars of their fight wouldn't bring him back to life, but it would be deserved.]
[There is a firmness in his voice and an intensity in his gaze. Those glimmer as if alight, fueled by every ounce of emotion he feels churning within his chest.]
What you have done is tried to away meaning. My meaning. We Demon Slayers do not heal. We wear the scars of our battles on our skin forevermore.
[Since his shirt is already partially unbuttoned, he does not hesitate to further remove it. The entire time, his gaze remains fixed on Akaza, even as he traces his fingers along marks that were long memorized.]
To be scarred is to be human. [He traces his fingers against a set of marks on his right arm — like teeth of a dog.] My first fight as a Demon Slayer. [Higher up, and on the left, lays a bullet hole. It is one of many that riddle his body.] And the fight against Upper Two, that cemented me as a Hashira in the Demon Slayer Corps.
[Finally, both hands fall over his middle.]
Here. Where I fought a demon and held him off until sunrise, sparing my juniors, and two hundred passengers of the Mugen Train.
[Since Akaza recoiled, Kyojuro does not let himself reach out again. Rather, he folds his hands down into his lap.]
You have tried to take away a choice that I made. The choice that has made me feel the proudest I have ever been as a slayer. Yes, it has brought me great pain. But it has brought me even greater accomplishment by pushing through it. [His head tilts, expression softening.] I know that it hurts you, to know that I am still plagued by what happened. But this is not the way to do it. Like this... it will only breed resentment.
[as much as kyojuro's words and gestures appear to shock akaza, he listens and watches and comprehends. he comprehends enough that the weight of them hammers into his skull.
to be scarred is to be human. unconsciously, akaza's hand drifts up as if to hold himself, though the way it lands on the muscle between his neck and shoulder is delicate. there is no mark under his fingertips -- no tattoo, no scar -- but there was, once, wasn't there? to be human.
his gaze settles on kyojuro's most grievous scar. though it's lessened, it's still there. he doesn't look back up. what does he say? he was trying to help, but it hurt. his intentions mean jack shit compared to how they affect kyojuro.]
I'm... trying to. [trying to understand why kyojuro so easily forgives the act of killing him, but resents an attempt to right the wrong. he understands what kyojuro says... but this is still difficult to process.]
[Frustrating as it was, Kyojuro can see that it came from a place of genuinely wanting to help. Though he has made huge strides in his understanding even over the last few months, Akaza has still spent several hundreds of years not living as a human. Even now was likely a struggle, given that his body simply wasn't.]
That is why, if you feel the need to help in any way, ask me what I need, and how I need it. And I promise I will tell you whatever that need is.
[This time, when Kyojuro reaches out, he stops short of Akaza. Not out of hesitation, but as an offering. He lays a palm up, for the other man to take.]
[even in all his frustration, kyojuro is still infuriatingly gracious about it. akaza expected him to be cross, even angry, about what essentially boils down to akaza hurting himself for kyojuro, but nothing the slayer has just said ever once crossed his mind. the hurt runs so much deeper than his shallowness could have comprehended, and that kyojuro is still so forgiving almost makes akaza seethe.
why is he still like this? why can't he just accept a damn loss with a modicum of kyojuro's grace?]
... You're going to resent me for this, then? [he forces his voice quiet, and tries to keep the tension out of it. despite his own hurt and... underneath the anger, perhaps even fueling it, fear... he accepts the gesture, laying his hand in kyojuro's -- still so desperate to hold on to his human, even when he knows he doesn't deserve to.] Even if I try to help again? [... and because he really is trying to listen,] The way you want me to.
[Kyojuro hesitates for a moment. It isn't that he doesn't want to be honest with his friend. Rather, he worries as to how he will hold it over himself. It is not lost on the slayer the way Akaza tended to self-flagellate over even the smallest of things. And this... this was far from small.
But it will only cause further issues down the line, if he doesn't address it now.]
I will not lie to you, Akaza. I do feel some resentment, yes. [Nevertheless, his fingers curl tightly around the other man's. It's a tender, gentle touch.] But you have listened to what I have had to say. That lessens some of the pain.
It will take time and practice, mind you. This... is something new for both of us to overcome. But I wish to try. And - [Kyojuro draws that hand up to his wounded chest.] I want to show you what will help meright now.
I admit it loses some of its impact, considering, but I was considering asking your assistance in massaging the wound on my back?
[at this point, akaza doesn't know the right answer -- to allow himself to bend under the true weight of his wrongdoings, or to just put them behind him and move on. maybe he never did; no matter how many times he's tried to walk a good path, he inevitably strays.
... it helps, having a rock like kyojuro to grasp, literally and emotionally. this man admits akaza's imperfection out loud, in the same breath as asking him to stay anyway.
he stares at their intertwined fingers, tilting his head.]
Still. [He offers a smile, smaller maybe, but no less warm than any other smile he has given.] I cannot ask you to learn from what I ask for, if I do not ask for something.
[And really, he values Akaza's growth more than anything. Not only that, but it isn't as if Akaza had done anything actively malicious. It had been his attempt at helping. It was misguided, and he might have appreciated a warning, but there was nothing inherently terrible about what he did. It was, instead, a lack of human understanding.
Something that Kyojuro could not begrudge him for, considering everything.]
[as far as teachers go, kyojuro is damn near perfect. when akaza fucks up, he tells him point blank, but still reassures him and continues right on guiding him afterward. and maybe that's just being a good partner.]
Of course.
[he can't force a smile, and doesn't particularly want to -- it would feel like a lie, and neither he nor kyojuro would appreciate that. but he tries to lighten the mood, to show he isn't actively spiraling, in other ways.]
[It's a little of both, though considering the fact that Kyojuro has been hell bent on this path since way before they solidified their relationship, it's probably more the former than the latter. But still, he tries. And it helps that he knows that Akaza is willing to try as well.
Buuuut in any case, Kyojuro looks at the mud on his pants, the dirt on his hands and... Begins to chortle.]
Ah, yes, I suppose I should do that! Excellent idea!
[He pushes himself up and out of the dirt. He'll admit that it is nice, his chest not pulling and stinging as it used to. He had adapted to the presence of the scar and had been able to work around it, but it wasn't like it had ever gone away, or stopped feeling so fresh.]
[akaza almost reaches out to help kyojuro up, but stops himself. he didn't ask. and he knows that he probably shouldn't take kyojuro's words literally; he doesn't mean he should never help with anything unless asked, but right now... better to err on the side of caution, especially when kyojuro has stated beyond a doubt that it's a matter of self-improvement for him to adapt to his new limits. that, at least, akaza can clearly understand.
he picks himself up off the ground, and once they're both straightened up, finally reaches out to take that hand back into his, mud and all.]
Maybe the bathhouse would be best...? [given... all of the mud. akaza can easily picture kyojuro not even noticing tracking dirt in the house like a hound, but just as readily envision poor senjuro having to clean the resulting mess... and the both of them apologizing about it back and forth forever.
... the rengoku family are certainly interesting examples of what it is to be human, and to be good.]
[Another glance at himself sets him to nodding, another booming laugh escaping him. Nevertheless, he throws his arm around Akaza's shoulder, coaxing him along as they make their way toward the bathhouse. Likewise, his own thoughts are occupied with poor Senjuro being the one left to clean up, and that certainly won't do.]
The bathhouse indeed! I can excuse myself to wash, if you would prefer to wait inside!
[Akaza, after all, has his precious dignity and virtue, after all. Kyojuro won't be the one to defile that, just because he got a little muddy.]
[oh, now his face screws up. like he's the one who got served an entire squashed eyeball lemon in his watery rice.]
Wh-- what the hell are you implying?! [that he LIKES the other upper moons or that he's seen their junk?! fuck, he actually doesn't know which would be worse!
yet he still plays along to the backpats, allowing himself to stumble forward with every little smack.]
[yeah, the asskicking he's gonna get from shinobu in a couple weeks is just straight up coddling compared to this.]
Well, hey, I never said I had any reason to be -- what?! No the hell it's not! Every single one of those freaks is -- was hideous! [oh, but it feels so good to remind himself that all those assholes are dead, too.]
[hope kyojuro enjoys the progression of staring, to jaw drop, to scowl, to rolling his eyes, to looking absolutely defeated and dragging both hands down his face. because of holding kyojuro's hand, he leaves streaks of mud over one half.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-12-17 10:17 pm (UTC)Akaza - [The volume of his words was already quiet, but now they sound choked. Kyojuro can't tell if it's anger or anguish that roils through him. His own hands fall forward, settling on either side of the wound. Even now, he it feels so much easier to breathe than it did before. He had gotten used to the constant expansion and contraction of still healing scar flesh. It was normal for him — his body was already riddled with such marks.
But now — now is different. Front and back, the pain feels far duller than ever before.]
Why - [He looks up at the man, pleading silently as he tries to make the words come out.] I told you I was recovering. It was all manageable. Why would you -
[He cuts himself off. He knows what he is saying is impossible, even as he knows that it's what Happened.]
Why?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-17 10:46 pm (UTC)What do you mean, "why?" Yes, you were recovering, but now -- like this, you'll have even less long-term effects! It was never going to be perfect...
[at this, his own tone grows a little bitter and snide -- the epitome of bratty.]
Though the trader woman refused to transfer the entire wound to me... as if I couldn't handle it.
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Date: 2025-12-17 11:12 pm (UTC)[The words come out sharp, loud, and far more laced with anger than he meant for them to. Kyojuro cannot help but recoil, not from Akaza, but from himself. A hand is lain over his chest, its weight meant to steady himself as he tries to temper the sharp, acrid feeling within his chest.]
That scar is a mark of the sacrifice I made. It is a choice I still wear with pride. [His voice softens, and he finds it in himself to reach out once more. He lays a hand against Akaza's shoulder, tender as can be.] And taking the mark away will not change what you did.
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Date: 2025-12-17 11:34 pm (UTC)despite the attempt at kindness in those last words, akaza recoils from kyojuro like the man tried to bite.]
Won't -- of course I know it won't! But it still would've meant something. [it should be obvious between the two of them that all akaza has been chasing since he got here was repentance. akaza taking away the pain and debilitation from kyojuro's scars of their fight wouldn't bring him back to life, but it would be deserved.]
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Date: 2025-12-18 12:27 am (UTC)[There is a firmness in his voice and an intensity in his gaze. Those glimmer as if alight, fueled by every ounce of emotion he feels churning within his chest.]
What you have done is tried to away meaning. My meaning. We Demon Slayers do not heal. We wear the scars of our battles on our skin forevermore.
[Since his shirt is already partially unbuttoned, he does not hesitate to further remove it. The entire time, his gaze remains fixed on Akaza, even as he traces his fingers along marks that were long memorized.]
To be scarred is to be human. [He traces his fingers against a set of marks on his right arm — like teeth of a dog.] My first fight as a Demon Slayer. [Higher up, and on the left, lays a bullet hole. It is one of many that riddle his body.] And the fight against Upper Two, that cemented me as a Hashira in the Demon Slayer Corps.
[Finally, both hands fall over his middle.]
Here. Where I fought a demon and held him off until sunrise, sparing my juniors, and two hundred passengers of the Mugen Train.
[Since Akaza recoiled, Kyojuro does not let himself reach out again. Rather, he folds his hands down into his lap.]
You have tried to take away a choice that I made. The choice that has made me feel the proudest I have ever been as a slayer. Yes, it has brought me great pain. But it has brought me even greater accomplishment by pushing through it. [His head tilts, expression softening.] I know that it hurts you, to know that I am still plagued by what happened. But this is not the way to do it. Like this... it will only breed resentment.
Do you understand.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 12:50 am (UTC)to be scarred is to be human. unconsciously, akaza's hand drifts up as if to hold himself, though the way it lands on the muscle between his neck and shoulder is delicate. there is no mark under his fingertips -- no tattoo, no scar -- but there was, once, wasn't there? to be human.
his gaze settles on kyojuro's most grievous scar. though it's lessened, it's still there. he doesn't look back up. what does he say? he was trying to help, but it hurt. his intentions mean jack shit compared to how they affect kyojuro.]
I'm... trying to. [trying to understand why kyojuro so easily forgives the act of killing him, but resents an attempt to right the wrong. he understands what kyojuro says... but this is still difficult to process.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 12:57 am (UTC)[Frustrating as it was, Kyojuro can see that it came from a place of genuinely wanting to help. Though he has made huge strides in his understanding even over the last few months, Akaza has still spent several hundreds of years not living as a human. Even now was likely a struggle, given that his body simply wasn't.]
That is why, if you feel the need to help in any way, ask me what I need, and how I need it. And I promise I will tell you whatever that need is.
[This time, when Kyojuro reaches out, he stops short of Akaza. Not out of hesitation, but as an offering. He lays a palm up, for the other man to take.]
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Date: 2025-12-18 01:16 am (UTC)why is he still like this? why can't he just accept a damn loss with a modicum of kyojuro's grace?]
... You're going to resent me for this, then? [he forces his voice quiet, and tries to keep the tension out of it. despite his own hurt and... underneath the anger, perhaps even fueling it, fear... he accepts the gesture, laying his hand in kyojuro's -- still so desperate to hold on to his human, even when he knows he doesn't deserve to.] Even if I try to help again? [... and because he really is trying to listen,] The way you want me to.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 01:29 am (UTC)But it will only cause further issues down the line, if he doesn't address it now.]
I will not lie to you, Akaza. I do feel some resentment, yes. [Nevertheless, his fingers curl tightly around the other man's. It's a tender, gentle touch.] But you have listened to what I have had to say. That lessens some of the pain.
It will take time and practice, mind you. This... is something new for both of us to overcome. But I wish to try. And - [Kyojuro draws that hand up to his wounded chest.] I want to show you what will help meright now.
I admit it loses some of its impact, considering, but I was considering asking your assistance in massaging the wound on my back?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 01:45 am (UTC)... it helps, having a rock like kyojuro to grasp, literally and emotionally. this man admits akaza's imperfection out loud, in the same breath as asking him to stay anyway.
he stares at their intertwined fingers, tilting his head.]
Really? [... that's almost funny.] Still?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 01:53 am (UTC)[And really, he values Akaza's growth more than anything. Not only that, but it isn't as if Akaza had done anything actively malicious. It had been his attempt at helping. It was misguided, and he might have appreciated a warning, but there was nothing inherently terrible about what he did. It was, instead, a lack of human understanding.
Something that Kyojuro could not begrudge him for, considering everything.]
Would that be alright with you?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:07 am (UTC)Of course.
[he can't force a smile, and doesn't particularly want to -- it would feel like a lie, and neither he nor kyojuro would appreciate that. but he tries to lighten the mood, to show he isn't actively spiraling, in other ways.]
Would you... like to get out of the dirt, first?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:13 am (UTC)Buuuut in any case, Kyojuro looks at the mud on his pants, the dirt on his hands and... Begins to chortle.]
Ah, yes, I suppose I should do that! Excellent idea!
[He pushes himself up and out of the dirt. He'll admit that it is nice, his chest not pulling and stinging as it used to. He had adapted to the presence of the scar and had been able to work around it, but it wasn't like it had ever gone away, or stopped feeling so fresh.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:30 am (UTC)he picks himself up off the ground, and once they're both straightened up, finally reaches out to take that hand back into his, mud and all.]
Maybe the bathhouse would be best...? [given... all of the mud. akaza can easily picture kyojuro not even noticing tracking dirt in the house like a hound, but just as readily envision poor senjuro having to clean the resulting mess... and the both of them apologizing about it back and forth forever.
... the rengoku family are certainly interesting examples of what it is to be human, and to be good.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:35 am (UTC)The bathhouse indeed! I can excuse myself to wash, if you would prefer to wait inside!
[Akaza, after all, has his precious dignity and virtue, after all. Kyojuro won't be the one to defile that, just because he got a little muddy.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:43 am (UTC)(akaza thinks kyojuro is kind of hot covered in mud. he briefly considers finding excuses to get kyojuro muddy again in the future.)
but his head tilts and he blinks at kyojuro without the slightest hint of discomfort. a bathhouse is just a bathhouse...]
Hhhow would I be able to give you a massage from so far away?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:57 am (UTC)[Give him a second...
Is the timing right?
... Well he's not the most open (to a fault) for nothin' so.]
I did not think you wanted to see me nude! But if you don't mind, you are free to join me!
cw: the word penits
Date: 2025-12-18 03:34 am (UTC)[like... temperature doesn't make a difference to akaza, but he knows that relaxation is half the point of this sort of thing...]
... It wasn't weird to me until you said that! You think yours'd be the first penis I've ever seen?!
cw: the word penits again
Date: 2025-12-18 03:38 am (UTC)[Sometimes you spar a man and then you spar the penitses after.
Anyway, he's clapping Akaza on the back a few times.]
Very well then! You are right that the steam would be much more comfortable!
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 04:05 am (UTC)Wh-- what the hell are you implying?! [that he LIKES the other upper moons or that he's seen their junk?! fuck, he actually doesn't know which would be worse!
yet he still plays along to the backpats, allowing himself to stumble forward with every little smack.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 04:07 am (UTC)[He ruffles Akaza's hair a little after the smacking is done. This poor guy is being tortured.]
It is normal to take your clothes off around colleagues! Even more normal to approve of them aesthetically!
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 04:23 am (UTC)Well, hey, I never said I had any reason to be -- what?! No the hell it's not! Every single one of those freaks is -- was hideous! [oh, but it feels so good to remind himself that all those assholes are dead, too.]
cw: return of the penits
Date: 2025-12-18 04:24 am (UTC)And look at Akaza.
Tilt his head.]
Where else have you seen a penis then?
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Date: 2025-12-18 04:29 am (UTC)Bathhouses, Kyojuro! Bathhouses!
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 04:31 am (UTC)Oh! Of course!
[And then some laughter as he reaches out to swipe some of the mud off of Akaza's face.]
You know, I do not think these tattoos work for you! I much prefer the blue ones!
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