At the first droplet, his resolve weakens. With the second, his heart threatens to shatter. It takes everything in his power to prevent himself from abandoning her hands in favor of holding her face. Really, it's only her words that keep him from acting on the urge.
She wants to move on. He should not hold her back.
But he cannot bare the idea of letting her go. Not when she's so hurt.
He settles for squeezing her hands to remind her that he's here, he's not going to leave her. At least not until she makes that demand.]
Is that what you really want, Shinobu? [His words are soft, perhaps a little reluctant. But if it's what she needs, he will let go, and leave it be. He'll finish his gift, hand it off to her as needed, and that will be it.
The least he can do, after all the harm he's caused, is listen to what she wants.]
( no. no of course it isn't. how could it be? she remembers conversations in the butterfly mansion, how she would tend to his wounds and to his accompanying teammates. how they'd laugh and sometimes misunderstand each other yet still fall into easy conversation.
how warm he is. )
... Under these circumstances, it is the only way forward. Even if I could look past who and what he is, you have never cared for Tengen's methods. You've made your choice. I must make mine.
[Despite everything, Kyojuro manages to laugh. It's a choked sort of noise, held back an emotion he dare not let manifest fully. He has always been the strong one. He cannot show weakness, cannot begin to weep when it is Shinobu who is so hurt.]
I suppose I was rather vocal about Uzui's methods. [He shakes his head.] But perhaps I -
[He trails off. It would not be fair for him to say to her — that he would gladly swallow his words if it meant not having to choose. Not when she grieves as she does.]
... There was a lot I did not understand then, I think.
[Be honest. Don't choke it down. Tell me how you feel. They're all words that mean well. The problem is that they're always told to him at the worst times. Akaza had tried to coax out his vulnerability in the same breath he had rejected him. Now Shinobu was doing the same. But how? How can he reveal his heart, how it aches and screams for her not to go, when it would only be selfish. When it would only hurt her more, when she's asking for space.
He feels his fingers shift, no longer just holding her hands, but clinging to them. His body betrays him, desperate to listen to a command he cannot follow. To be honest about his heart would defy Shinobu's wishes. To reveal it would be to expose the depth of his own hurt on someone who is already wounded.
He cannot. She is weaker than he is right now, and so he must protect her. It is the vow he took as a child too young to understand its depth.
There is no other way. He releases her hands and folds his own within his lap.]
Of course, Shinobu. I will do my best.
[He smiles, even if it does not reach his eye. Even if they both know that he's lying. How could she not? The fact that he wants her to stay is written in his posture, from the way his hands had tried to keep hold of her, from the way his body angles toward her. Even the hush of his voice is indicative of all he won't let himself stay.
Be more honest. It is the cruelest thing she could have said to him.]
Good. You have... ( something in her throat rises and she has to stop herself for a moment. ) ... You have your partner now. That is what he is there for, if nothing else.
( it's almost a relief how he lets go of her hands, and yet it aches. the warmth of his touch, the way he dwarfed her without making her feel small, she wants it back so badly--
which is a sign that it's time to go. to retreat so far back it hurts until she forgets what loving him felt like. )
... I have... ... I should go.
I'm sorry I cannot be a more graceful heart. But I have always been a bitter, hateful thing.
( she stands, wiping her eyes finally with her wrist, and turns to leave. )
[The thing about Kyojuro is that, at the end of the day, he struggles to act when it comes to his own good. It is a flaw he does not care to admit to himself, one that he doesn't dare try to analyze or break down. For better or for worse, it remains true in this situation. If Shinobu had simply retreated, he would have allowed it.
But when it comes to his loved ones, it is different. If they are maligned, he will act as he must. That includes when they seek to jab at themselves.
In one moment, he is wounded but content to allow things end as they have. In the next he is on his feet. With a single step, he catches up to her. And in the space of another heartbeat, his arms wrap around her. He does not pull her close or try to restrain her, but instead takes one more step to press himself flush against her back. All told, he keeps the embrace loose, enough to stop her at first, but not so tight that even she cannot push her way forth.
Doma had restrained her and then broken her. Kyojuro will do no such thing.
But still, he does lean down, forehead pressing to the crown of her head. He angles himself enough to be able to speak in the direction of her right ear, though his voice is little more than a whisper.]
Please. Do not speak of yourself like that. You may be bitter. You may have hate in your heart. But you are still full of love, warmth, and kindness. I know this, because I have seen this, Shinobu Kocho. [Some part of him wants so deeply to inhale, to draw in the scent of wisteria that's always permeated her being, even if he hates now knowing its source. He swallows down the urge as he takes a step back, fully releasing her.]
If you are allowed to make a request of me, then I should be allowed to make this request of you.
( one moment she's walking away, the next she's in an embrace- something loose and comforting and open despite it all. it's so different than what doma had done to her. it's-
her face flushes and she's almost ashamed of it. but then he speaks, and while the intimacy of it all has her heart aflutter, his words are heavy and pleading. its an awful mix of emotions despite most of them being good and it... also hurts.
she can only stare at him for a moment, even as he finally steps back. )
[The fact that she doesn't react seems dangerous. Even if she puts a smile on her face, he knows Shinobu's fury. It is cold and it is steady, unfurling from a chrysalis in its own right.
He isn't sure if he has invoked that wrath, but he knows there is a chance. Thus, he gives her as much space as she needs, all while standing steady. If she is angry, then he will take responsibility and face the consequences of those actions head on.]
I apologize, if that was too forward. You have asked for space and I intend to respect that. But... I needed you to hear this much.
... No, it wasn't. You're- you didn't do anything wrong. I just do not know what to say.
( her voice is quiet, soft and raw.
all she's wanted since he found her bleeding in the woods was a hug. to be in his arms, warm and safe. she supposes she should be satisfied, since she got it one last time. she falters and for once, instead of the confident and serene swordswoman she's been since taking her place as hashira, she feels- looks- like a young woman fumbling with a broken heart, with affection she doesn't know what to do with. what can she even do now? )
... Thank you. I- I'm sorry. I should go.
( she can't afford to make a mistake as big as the one she wants to. this time, she turns and runs. )
[Is this better or worse? He isn't sure. He watches her, stricken and stumbling, and wonders if he has cursed her to more suffering. His breath hitches in his throat, and he comes so terribly close to apologizing once more.
But then she has turned and fled, before he can say anything else. He can only stare at the space she once occupied, inhale the faint scent of wisteria still hanging in the air, and wish things could be different.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 01:47 am (UTC)At the first droplet, his resolve weakens. With the second, his heart threatens to shatter. It takes everything in his power to prevent himself from abandoning her hands in favor of holding her face. Really, it's only her words that keep him from acting on the urge.
She wants to move on. He should not hold her back.
But he cannot bare the idea of letting her go. Not when she's so hurt.
He settles for squeezing her hands to remind her that he's here, he's not going to leave her. At least not until she makes that demand.]
Is that what you really want, Shinobu? [His words are soft, perhaps a little reluctant. But if it's what she needs, he will let go, and leave it be. He'll finish his gift, hand it off to her as needed, and that will be it.
The least he can do, after all the harm he's caused, is listen to what she wants.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 02:05 am (UTC)how warm he is. )
... Under these circumstances, it is the only way forward. Even if I could look past who and what he is, you have never cared for Tengen's methods. You've made your choice. I must make mine.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 02:11 am (UTC)I suppose I was rather vocal about Uzui's methods. [He shakes his head.] But perhaps I -
[He trails off. It would not be fair for him to say to her — that he would gladly swallow his words if it meant not having to choose. Not when she grieves as she does.]
... There was a lot I did not understand then, I think.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 02:16 am (UTC)Perhaps.
But the other issue still stands. That is not something I can accept. So I have to go.
( have to, not wants to. if it wasn't a demon, if it wasn't his fucking murderer- anyone else, anyone...
...
shinobu sighs softly. )
All I ask is that you give yourself one kindness, regardless of what happens to us.
... Be more honest about your heart. You do yourself no favors, otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 02:24 am (UTC)He feels his fingers shift, no longer just holding her hands, but clinging to them. His body betrays him, desperate to listen to a command he cannot follow. To be honest about his heart would defy Shinobu's wishes. To reveal it would be to expose the depth of his own hurt on someone who is already wounded.
He cannot. She is weaker than he is right now, and so he must protect her. It is the vow he took as a child too young to understand its depth.
There is no other way. He releases her hands and folds his own within his lap.]
Of course, Shinobu. I will do my best.
[He smiles, even if it does not reach his eye. Even if they both know that he's lying. How could she not? The fact that he wants her to stay is written in his posture, from the way his hands had tried to keep hold of her, from the way his body angles toward her. Even the hush of his voice is indicative of all he won't let himself stay.
Be more honest. It is the cruelest thing she could have said to him.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 02:31 am (UTC)( it's almost a relief how he lets go of her hands, and yet it aches. the warmth of his touch, the way he dwarfed her without making her feel small, she wants it back so badly--
which is a sign that it's time to go. to retreat so far back it hurts until she forgets what loving him felt like. )
... I have... ... I should go.
I'm sorry I cannot be a more graceful heart. But I have always been a bitter, hateful thing.
( she stands, wiping her eyes finally with her wrist, and turns to leave. )
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 02:41 am (UTC)But when it comes to his loved ones, it is different. If they are maligned, he will act as he must. That includes when they seek to jab at themselves.
In one moment, he is wounded but content to allow things end as they have. In the next he is on his feet. With a single step, he catches up to her. And in the space of another heartbeat, his arms wrap around her. He does not pull her close or try to restrain her, but instead takes one more step to press himself flush against her back. All told, he keeps the embrace loose, enough to stop her at first, but not so tight that even she cannot push her way forth.
Doma had restrained her and then broken her. Kyojuro will do no such thing.
But still, he does lean down, forehead pressing to the crown of her head. He angles himself enough to be able to speak in the direction of her right ear, though his voice is little more than a whisper.]
Please. Do not speak of yourself like that. You may be bitter. You may have hate in your heart. But you are still full of love, warmth, and kindness. I know this, because I have seen this, Shinobu Kocho. [Some part of him wants so deeply to inhale, to draw in the scent of wisteria that's always permeated her being, even if he hates now knowing its source. He swallows down the urge as he takes a step back, fully releasing her.]
If you are allowed to make a request of me, then I should be allowed to make this request of you.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 03:19 am (UTC)( one moment she's walking away, the next she's in an embrace- something loose and comforting and open despite it all. it's so different than what doma had done to her. it's-
her face flushes and she's almost ashamed of it. but then he speaks, and while the intimacy of it all has her heart aflutter, his words are heavy and pleading. its an awful mix of emotions despite most of them being good and it... also hurts.
she can only stare at him for a moment, even as he finally steps back. )
... Kyojuro...
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 03:25 am (UTC)He isn't sure if he has invoked that wrath, but he knows there is a chance. Thus, he gives her as much space as she needs, all while standing steady. If she is angry, then he will take responsibility and face the consequences of those actions head on.]
I apologize, if that was too forward. You have asked for space and I intend to respect that. But... I needed you to hear this much.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 03:41 am (UTC)( her voice is quiet, soft and raw.
all she's wanted since he found her bleeding in the woods was a hug. to be in his arms, warm and safe. she supposes she should be satisfied, since she got it one last time. she falters and for once, instead of the confident and serene swordswoman she's been since taking her place as hashira, she feels- looks- like a young woman fumbling with a broken heart, with affection she doesn't know what to do with. what can she even do now? )
... Thank you. I- I'm sorry. I should go.
( she can't afford to make a mistake as big as the one she wants to. this time, she turns and runs. )
no subject
Date: 2025-12-07 03:44 am (UTC)But then she has turned and fled, before he can say anything else. He can only stare at the space she once occupied, inhale the faint scent of wisteria still hanging in the air, and wish things could be different.]