[Kyojuro remains close through it all, fingers still twirling within his hair, even going as far as massaging his scalp. All told, it's a bit surprising when he abruptly shifts away, leaving that hand hovering within the air. He needs only follow Akaza's gaze to know what's so upsetting.
He stands without questioning the command, though he does pause at the door. There's a sternness to look that he gives Akaza. He knows how self-punishing the man can be. He... doesn't want to return to an empty room after all of this.]
Stay. [If Akaza can give commands, then so can he.] Do not leave me. Not after this.
[It would be a miserable way to end an already messy night.
With that said, though, Kyojuro does turn away, angling toward the kitchen. He'll thoroughly scrub his hands, and when even that doesn't feel like enough, goes as far as ducking into his room to change into a spare sweater. Hopefully that will remove the bulk of the scent.
Now all that's left is to hold is breath as he returns to Akaza's room once more.]
[truthfully, kyojuro doesn't need to issue a command. he could just as easily ask akaza and the demon would comply. as much as he's upset with himself, and still terrified of harming kyojuro, he can comprehend what a mental blow it would be to the man if he took off after all of this.
by the time kyojuro returns, akaza has gathered himself, sitting upright on his knees as if nothing were the matter at all. after everything kyojuro has done for him, it's only right that he's composed and ready to do whatever the man needs of him as well -- or at the very least, not sending kyojuro spiraling into his own guilt.
though his chin is tucked down, he glances up as kyojuro shows himself again. even past the washing, the new sweater, akaza can still smell the results of their little ordeal, but it's far easier to live with now. he can return to pretending the dried blood doesn't have all of his senses in a vice.]
[Even if some part of him knew that Akaza wouldn't leave, it's still a relief to enter the room and find that familiar figure knelt upon the ground. Kyojuro doesn't once hesitate as he pads over, then settles down before him. He mirrors the pose at first, almost a little too formal for who they are and the relationship between them. After a moment, he breaks that illusion by reaching out. He wants to hold Akaza's face, but forces himself to settle for merely holding his hand.]
You have asked me not to make excuses for what you are, so I will not. Still, regardless of how we both got here, in this moment, you cannot fight what you are and what you need. So why apologize? [His head tilts slightly.] Would you expect me to apologize for needing a meal of my own?
[if akaza even bothered to think about it, something could likely be said about the stance he takes upon believing he's made an unforgivable mistake. three hundreds years of servitude is certainly not forgotten in mere months.
and yet... he understands what kyojuro wants when the man first reaches out, and akaza wants it just the same. he angles his head toward that hand, only for their timing to be off, and kyojuro instead goes for his own hand. if it weren't for the circumstances, akaza might even laugh about it.]
... No. But you wouldn't tear into it like an animal. [this is objectively false. akaza has, in fact, seen kyojuro eat. it isn't the same, though, and they both know it.] You wouldn't fantasize about...
[... surely kyojuro can connect the dots akaza doesn't want to give voice to.]
[The movement is noted, at least, and not at all lost on Kyojuro. While his hand is occupied, he does lean forward, pressing their foreheads together. It makes the moment feel a little more sacred and, Kyojuro hopes, a little less lonely.]
Perhaps it only makes sense. Demons are not made for love, not as far as Muzan is concerned at least. [They were tools at his disposal, pawns to serve in whatever grand scheme he was aiming for.] So perhaps when faced with that human need, your other instincts can only think of it in terms that are familiar.
[For creatures that live to eat, and could often covet their victims, it might only make sense for Akaza to feel inclined to consume something his human mind cared for.]
It cannot be understated, though, that you did not act on these needs. Back in Roseroot, you were willing to tear into my flesh more. Yet here, you stopped yourself from taking that. I am well aware of how close my fingers were to your fangs, Akaza. Yet you did not take a bite. Nor did you do so when I was in your mouth.
[Yeah just gonna boldly remind him of the fact that they were tonguing less than an hour ago. No big deal.]
[not all, but some tension visibly leaves akaza's form once kyojuro leans in to touch him. he finds himself missing the motions they'd been acting out what feels like ages ago, but the idea of intentionally placing his mouth against kyojuro's skin seems... unwise. rather than kissing along his jaw as kyojuro had, akaza slides his head against kyojuro's until they touch temple to temple and he can allow himself to focus more on the scent of kyojuro's hair than his blood.
for as much as the man's words make sense... they don't change the fact that akaza still craves that.]
... But I thought about it. [the confession is spoken in an even tone, matter of fact. the root of everything negative this evening, he thinks. will kyojuro explain this away, too, or will he finally be disgusted? rightfully wary of akaza, going forward?]
[Akaza might have designated kisses from himself to be off-limits, but he's made no such rules for Kyojuro. Even if he had, the hashira wouldn't be inclined to follow them. He angles his head just enough to kiss his temple first, then within his hair. Despite the confession, the touch remains gentle, and continues for a moment as those next words are considered.]
I, for one, feel that actions have more power than thoughts do. During final selection, I thought to hide away, rather than try to make my way through the demons that appeared. That initial inclination to flee continued even in my early days as a slayer, even though I knew my duty and intended to carry it out. Though the thoughts never lasted, and though would fade with time, they still occurred.
Do you think me anything less than honorable, despite having had those thoughts? [And before Akaza can object, or mention his age - ] I also once thought that demons were nothing but evil. That there could be no changing them, that there was nothing that could have redeemed them.
Knowing that, do you doubt my feelings for you? [Even if he knows it's dangerous to use that bandaged hand right now, he lifts it all the same, cradling the opposite side of Akaza's head.] Or do you know from my actions how deeply I care?
[while it isn't his intention to make kyojuro talk about these things, to paint himself in a less than perfect light, it's reassuring to akaza nonetheless. kyojuro has proven time and again, and continues to prove, that he listens to what akaza wants and makes effort to give it to him. although akaza doubts he will ever consider himself to be on the same level of worthiness of kyojuro, he still appreciates every single inch the man stoops himself down. it makes akaza feel like kyojuro truly is someone he can reach, rather than simply bask in from a distance that could never be fully crossed.]
I don't doubt you. I see how much you care... I do. And no, I don't blame you and I won't mock you for having thoughts that any human would in your place.
[he makes a small sound of protest, not at the affection kyojuro showers him in, but at the fact that they can't seem to meet exactly where akaza feels it necessary.]
Your thoughts don't make you dangerous to me. But mine... I'm terrified of hurting you again. I've -- already killed you once, Kyojuro, and... [he has to say it out loud, doesn't he?] I don't think you understand how much I've wanted to devour you since that night. If anything, as time goes on, I only want it more.
[He leans back for just a moment, long enough to at least invite Akaza to look into his eyes. There's no anger there, no judgement or fear. It's a gaze that's as warm as ever, gentle like the sun should be.]
At any moment, I could decide that my instincts were right. That any fear I could ever feel would be justified. I could put you to the blade, and I suspect you would let me.
[He knows it isn't quite the same, but it still needs to be said.]
Despite what your thoughts, your instincts might will you to do, you would not attempt to harm me. [His smile is almost... grim. Unsurprising, considering the topic at hand.] How many times have I been vulnerable around you? Not just when I sleep, or bare myself as I have, either? Consider when I was wounded beneath the carnival, or under attack from the monsters of Roseroot. At any one of those times, you could have taken your fill, without an ounce of effort.
[Once more, he reaches forward, this time holding both sides of Akaza's face. It serves as both a comfort to him, but also an effort to force the man to meet his eye. He holds him there even as he shifts the thumb of his right hand to the side, pressing against his lips.]
But you did not. Unless I strictly asked you, Akaza, you would not take a single bite of me. You would not consume a drop unless I told you that you could. I know this to be true.
[as stuck in his head as he is, akaza still makes the effort to try to see from kyojuro's perspective. his persistent confidence in akaza is, as always, generous bordering on foolish, but he makes a few decent points. (akaza certainly won't argue the first one. kyojuro's assessment is entirely accurate.)
for all his insistence on how badly he wants to hurt kyojuro, though, the demon is as malleable in his hands as he's ever been since they found themselves in this world. he revels in the warmth against both of his cheeks and meets kyojuro's gaze with his own adoring one. love, kyojuro had said moments ago, and it finally sinks in. surely the hashira doesn't feel that for akaza? or does he mean to say that he believes akaza feels it for him?
that finger presses itself to his lips, and he smells the essence of blood. he feels the very pulse in kyojuro's fingertip, and rather than snap it up, akaza moves only to kiss it.]
It was different, when something else hurt you... When I had reason to protect you. [he understands the irony, the absurd depth of it and its many layers.]
... Maybe you shouldn't offer, anymore. Maybe that makes me want to take more and more.
[Admittedly, Kyojuro had not meant to directly imply that Akaza was in love with him. Rather, it was the easiest way to refer to a general sense of compassion and care, to refer shorthand to the tenuous little thing they've been building up. That said, perhaps he would not outright deny the allegations. Things are rather complicated now, considering their past lives.
But those are all conversations for later. Right now, Kyojuro's mouth presses up into a gentle smile. Just as he expected, Akaza does not even make a single move to bite him.]
So protect me now. Protect me from that which you fear. You have already proven more than capable of it. [Kyojuro shifts his thumb out of the way in favor of stealing a true kiss.]
I would not offer it, if I felt there were any other option. [His eyes close, a pinch forming between his brows.] A deal, perhaps? I swear I will not make the offer again, if you promise in kind to feed regularly.
[You know, that way he doesn't have to offer it up.]
[it's still different, when the threat comes from within himself. when he thinks about it, akaza wants more than anything to be the protective lion-dog his loved ones seem to believe he's capable of being, but lifetimes of poor decisions and horrible actions have worn down his own belief.
when kyojuro closes his eyes, akaza tilts to press a kiss of his own to the corner of his lips. he settles once more with their foreheads touching, then allows his own eyelids to drift shut.]
I... can't promise this. I have... a really bad record of breaking them, and I don't want to do that to you. But I'll try.
I don't expect you to be perfect, since I can't, either. We can both just try, alright?
[Even such a gentle gesture sends a gout of flame rushing through Kyojuro's body. He makes a warm sound even before Akaza settles against his forehead, clearly content with the affection.]
We can try. That is more than fair.
[He lifts his hand, laying it against the nape of Akaza's neck. His thumb toys idly with the stray hair back there.]
[akaza reaches out to rest his hand on kyojuro's other arm, and his fingers trace all the way down to the bandages wrapped around that palm. even touching this does, in fact, seem so much easier when he reframes it as protecting kyojuro, as ridiculous as protecting him from himself sounds in theory.]
Thank you, Kyojuro. [he inhales and gives a long-suffering sigh.]
I will promise you that I'll give you a normal, pleasant night soon. Without any of... all of this.
[That palm goes pliant within Akaza's hand at first, allowing him to fit their fingers together as he sees fit. When that feels like not enough, his own digits twine through Akaza's, keeping him held close. He is absolutely unafraid of that touch.]
You act as if we have been together for terribly long! This is only the start of our relationship! We have plenty of time to set the course properly. [His voice practically trembles with unvoiced laughter.]
But I will look forward to that. And every memory we shall make with one another.
[Kyojuro could continue arguing, but he figures it just plays into Akaza's own point. In the end, he settles himself with a shrug and an airy sort of laugh.]
Then I will do everything in my power to ensure it as well. Is that fair?
[cute... akaza is so used to kyojuro's laugh busting his fucking eardrums that this one surprises him enough as to make his heart flutter in his chest. it's... a feeling he hadn't experienced or even so much as thought of in centuries.]
... Mm. [it's an affirmative sort of noise, since akaza doesn't really have the wherewithal to respond with any sort of sense. time to distract them both from it and pepper kisses along kyojuro's jawline as he had done to akaza earlier. maybe the demon even dives a bit lower, tracing the pulse in kyojuro's throat with nothing short of reverence.]
[It's sweet, watching Akaza mirror his movements. Some part of him can't help but wonder how much of it is familiar, and how much is new. Given the way he's spoken before, Kyojuro can only imagine he's had the faintest of brushes with more intimate behaviors.
He makes a mental note to teach Akaza well in these matters. That, however, could come later. For right now, he's content to let the man explore as he sees fit. A choice that works out perfectly, he notes, as that mouth dives lower.]
Ah - [It's far from a displeased sound, quite the opposite. Warmth pools within his chest, then seeps outward into the rest of his body. His head angles, opening himself up for more affection, however Akaza might choose to give it.
(He will not, of course, give voice to the curiosity building in the back of his mind. He wonders how those teeth might feel, should they plunge into his skin. He's only just promised not to offer it up, after all.)]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-11-30 01:21 am (UTC)He stands without questioning the command, though he does pause at the door. There's a sternness to look that he gives Akaza. He knows how self-punishing the man can be. He... doesn't want to return to an empty room after all of this.]
Stay. [If Akaza can give commands, then so can he.] Do not leave me. Not after this.
[It would be a miserable way to end an already messy night.
With that said, though, Kyojuro does turn away, angling toward the kitchen. He'll thoroughly scrub his hands, and when even that doesn't feel like enough, goes as far as ducking into his room to change into a spare sweater. Hopefully that will remove the bulk of the scent.
Now all that's left is to hold is breath as he returns to Akaza's room once more.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 01:35 am (UTC)by the time kyojuro returns, akaza has gathered himself, sitting upright on his knees as if nothing were the matter at all. after everything kyojuro has done for him, it's only right that he's composed and ready to do whatever the man needs of him as well -- or at the very least, not sending kyojuro spiraling into his own guilt.
though his chin is tucked down, he glances up as kyojuro shows himself again. even past the washing, the new sweater, akaza can still smell the results of their little ordeal, but it's far easier to live with now. he can return to pretending the dried blood doesn't have all of his senses in a vice.]
I'm... sorry. For all of my behavior.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 01:41 am (UTC)You have asked me not to make excuses for what you are, so I will not. Still, regardless of how we both got here, in this moment, you cannot fight what you are and what you need. So why apologize? [His head tilts slightly.] Would you expect me to apologize for needing a meal of my own?
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 02:36 am (UTC)and yet... he understands what kyojuro wants when the man first reaches out, and akaza wants it just the same. he angles his head toward that hand, only for their timing to be off, and kyojuro instead goes for his own hand. if it weren't for the circumstances, akaza might even laugh about it.]
... No. But you wouldn't tear into it like an animal. [this is objectively false. akaza has, in fact, seen kyojuro eat. it isn't the same, though, and they both know it.] You wouldn't fantasize about...
[... surely kyojuro can connect the dots akaza doesn't want to give voice to.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 02:49 am (UTC)Perhaps it only makes sense. Demons are not made for love, not as far as Muzan is concerned at least. [They were tools at his disposal, pawns to serve in whatever grand scheme he was aiming for.] So perhaps when faced with that human need, your other instincts can only think of it in terms that are familiar.
[For creatures that live to eat, and could often covet their victims, it might only make sense for Akaza to feel inclined to consume something his human mind cared for.]
It cannot be understated, though, that you did not act on these needs. Back in Roseroot, you were willing to tear into my flesh more. Yet here, you stopped yourself from taking that. I am well aware of how close my fingers were to your fangs, Akaza. Yet you did not take a bite. Nor did you do so when I was in your mouth.
[Yeah just gonna boldly remind him of the fact that they were tonguing less than an hour ago. No big deal.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 03:02 am (UTC)for as much as the man's words make sense... they don't change the fact that akaza still craves that.]
... But I thought about it. [the confession is spoken in an even tone, matter of fact. the root of everything negative this evening, he thinks. will kyojuro explain this away, too, or will he finally be disgusted? rightfully wary of akaza, going forward?]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 03:12 am (UTC)I, for one, feel that actions have more power than thoughts do. During final selection, I thought to hide away, rather than try to make my way through the demons that appeared. That initial inclination to flee continued even in my early days as a slayer, even though I knew my duty and intended to carry it out. Though the thoughts never lasted, and though would fade with time, they still occurred.
Do you think me anything less than honorable, despite having had those thoughts? [And before Akaza can object, or mention his age - ] I also once thought that demons were nothing but evil. That there could be no changing them, that there was nothing that could have redeemed them.
Knowing that, do you doubt my feelings for you? [Even if he knows it's dangerous to use that bandaged hand right now, he lifts it all the same, cradling the opposite side of Akaza's head.] Or do you know from my actions how deeply I care?
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 03:47 am (UTC)I don't doubt you. I see how much you care... I do. And no, I don't blame you and I won't mock you for having thoughts that any human would in your place.
[he makes a small sound of protest, not at the affection kyojuro showers him in, but at the fact that they can't seem to meet exactly where akaza feels it necessary.]
Your thoughts don't make you dangerous to me. But mine... I'm terrified of hurting you again. I've -- already killed you once, Kyojuro, and... [he has to say it out loud, doesn't he?] I don't think you understand how much I've wanted to devour you since that night. If anything, as time goes on, I only want it more.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 03:57 am (UTC)[He leans back for just a moment, long enough to at least invite Akaza to look into his eyes. There's no anger there, no judgement or fear. It's a gaze that's as warm as ever, gentle like the sun should be.]
At any moment, I could decide that my instincts were right. That any fear I could ever feel would be justified. I could put you to the blade, and I suspect you would let me.
[He knows it isn't quite the same, but it still needs to be said.]
Despite what your thoughts, your instincts might will you to do, you would not attempt to harm me. [His smile is almost... grim. Unsurprising, considering the topic at hand.] How many times have I been vulnerable around you? Not just when I sleep, or bare myself as I have, either? Consider when I was wounded beneath the carnival, or under attack from the monsters of Roseroot. At any one of those times, you could have taken your fill, without an ounce of effort.
[Once more, he reaches forward, this time holding both sides of Akaza's face. It serves as both a comfort to him, but also an effort to force the man to meet his eye. He holds him there even as he shifts the thumb of his right hand to the side, pressing against his lips.]
But you did not. Unless I strictly asked you, Akaza, you would not take a single bite of me. You would not consume a drop unless I told you that you could. I know this to be true.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 05:14 am (UTC)for all his insistence on how badly he wants to hurt kyojuro, though, the demon is as malleable in his hands as he's ever been since they found themselves in this world. he revels in the warmth against both of his cheeks and meets kyojuro's gaze with his own adoring one. love, kyojuro had said moments ago, and it finally sinks in. surely the hashira doesn't feel that for akaza? or does he mean to say that he believes akaza feels it for him?
that finger presses itself to his lips, and he smells the essence of blood. he feels the very pulse in kyojuro's fingertip, and rather than snap it up, akaza moves only to kiss it.]
It was different, when something else hurt you... When I had reason to protect you. [he understands the irony, the absurd depth of it and its many layers.]
... Maybe you shouldn't offer, anymore. Maybe that makes me want to take more and more.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 05:24 am (UTC)But those are all conversations for later. Right now, Kyojuro's mouth presses up into a gentle smile. Just as he expected, Akaza does not even make a single move to bite him.]
So protect me now. Protect me from that which you fear. You have already proven more than capable of it. [Kyojuro shifts his thumb out of the way in favor of stealing a true kiss.]
I would not offer it, if I felt there were any other option. [His eyes close, a pinch forming between his brows.] A deal, perhaps? I swear I will not make the offer again, if you promise in kind to feed regularly.
[You know, that way he doesn't have to offer it up.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 06:03 am (UTC)when kyojuro closes his eyes, akaza tilts to press a kiss of his own to the corner of his lips. he settles once more with their foreheads touching, then allows his own eyelids to drift shut.]
I... can't promise this. I have... a really bad record of breaking them, and I don't want to do that to you. But I'll try.
I don't expect you to be perfect, since I can't, either. We can both just try, alright?
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 06:08 am (UTC)We can try. That is more than fair.
[He lifts his hand, laying it against the nape of Akaza's neck. His thumb toys idly with the stray hair back there.]
Thank you, then. For trying for me.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 06:19 am (UTC)Thank you, Kyojuro. [he inhales and gives a long-suffering sigh.]
I will promise you that I'll give you a normal, pleasant night soon. Without any of... all of this.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-30 06:23 am (UTC)You act as if we have been together for terribly long! This is only the start of our relationship! We have plenty of time to set the course properly. [His voice practically trembles with unvoiced laughter.]
But I will look forward to that. And every memory we shall make with one another.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-01 02:51 am (UTC)Just that this sort of thing keeps happening, after we get to have a... nice moment. I'll be better about it.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-01 03:01 am (UTC)Then I will do everything in my power to ensure it as well. Is that fair?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-01 03:28 am (UTC)... Mm. [it's an affirmative sort of noise, since akaza doesn't really have the wherewithal to respond with any sort of sense. time to distract them both from it and pepper kisses along kyojuro's jawline as he had done to akaza earlier. maybe the demon even dives a bit lower, tracing the pulse in kyojuro's throat with nothing short of reverence.]
no subject
Date: 2025-12-01 03:34 am (UTC)He makes a mental note to teach Akaza well in these matters. That, however, could come later. For right now, he's content to let the man explore as he sees fit. A choice that works out perfectly, he notes, as that mouth dives lower.]
Ah - [It's far from a displeased sound, quite the opposite. Warmth pools within his chest, then seeps outward into the rest of his body. His head angles, opening himself up for more affection, however Akaza might choose to give it.
(He will not, of course, give voice to the curiosity building in the back of his mind. He wonders how those teeth might feel, should they plunge into his skin. He's only just promised not to offer it up, after all.)]