[as always, kyojuro is being respectful and thoughtful of akaza's wishes and comfort level. it's the least he can do, really, to just meet the man's gaze, even if it's just out of the corner of his eyes for a few seconds. his fingers begin to flex, but he forces them to relax out of concern that he'll damage the papers that koyuki cherished so dearly. in fact, akaza deems it best to release the envelope entirely, considering that kyojuro has a grip on it.]
... I want to know what was going through our heads. They mentioned how they thought... Koyuki felt, but... [it's still so hard to even speak her name aloud, but it feels necessary to prove to both himself and kyojuro that he's actually ready for this.] I'd like to hear it directly from her, or as close as we can get, considering. [a written page is not the same as her voice, but it's still her.]
[It's a good thing Akaza releases when he did — a few more seconds, and Kyojuro might have done the same, likely resulting in the damn thing plummeting to the floor. Thankfully, this outcome is avoided, and Kyojuro carefully takes the envelope into his hands. His fingers move over the delicate paper as carefully as they can, opening it up and fishing out the first paper that his fingers alight upon.
He recognizes his own handwriting immediately. He carefully smooths out the paper before them, giving them both the chance to read over it.
For years I have roamed this land, confident that I would never feel bound to one specific place. Then, I met you both, and found myself irrevocably tethered to your orbit. You are my sky and my earth, giving me reason to not only rise and provide you with light on our path forward, but to fall and allow others to be my strength. I promise to never deviate from this path, not only in this life, but in every life we may lead. And should fate see to separate us, I swear that as your husband, I will burn away the dark as many times as I must to find my way back to you.
Kyojuro is silent as he reads and re-reads the words. A smile creeps across his face. Despite centuries separating the two of them, there's no denying that this was certainly his handiwork.]
Seems I was well aware of my own shortcomings. Perhaps I ought to take a page out of that book!
[if akaza leans slightly toward kyojuro... it's just to get a better view, surely. and even if these words weren't written by the exact man sitting next to him, they seize akaza's heart in a vice nonetheless. "to fall and allow others to be his strength" is nothing short of what akaza had asked of him the other day. as different as they feel they are from their past selves, it only becomes more and more apparent that they're really not.]
You already are. [sure, it took kyojuro pointing out examples for akaza to truly realize it, but he's glad to reinforce that now.
the next page is in hakuji's own scrawl; it's immediately obvious that he had no more formal education than akaza did in his own childhood, but his brushwork and spelling were still nowhere near as atrocious as his is. it makes sense that being in a relationship with a teacher and a writer, hakuji would have improved at a quicker pace. even so, akaza's face steadily reddens with embarrassment. this piece of paper wasn't as polite as the netbook as to make his errors more legible.
Befor I found ether of you, I had no direcsion in life. I was like a wild animal, just fiteing so my dad and I coud live to see the next day, surviveing but not really living.
I met you, Koyuki, and I lerned life coud be more then an eternel struggel. You didont owe me anything, but you still gave me so much -- love, laufter, som one to care about beeyond my own blood. Som times, I felt like I was a ferril cat, and you came to me every day with a jentle hand, unconditonal affecsion, nurishment I didont reelize I needed. At some point, I reelized that Ide become dumesticated, and that I was always ment to be.
I met you two, Kyojuro, and my world became so much bigger than I ever imajined it coud be. Even if I was "dumesticated," I still wasent properly soshalized until you showed me how to be open, to share myself. I didont reelize I had much at all to share, but from the start, you wer warm and enthuzeastic, and you refuzed to aloww me to dowbt myself.
I woudent be who I am now withowt the both of you. You gave me purpuse, and a path to walk in life, to nurchure and protect. Koyuki, Kyojuro, you two are my compass, my north star. I prommise to spend this life, and every life we mite leed, honoring everything youve both givven me and tought me. I prommise to love you, to protect you, to support you, always and forever.
akaza certainly can't deny how deeply he feels the words, even with their situations being worlds apart. there's also the odd comfort of both kyojuro and hakuji having been so confident that they would meet in other lives; as much as akaza was raised to believe in reincarnation, after everything he's been through, having any sort of faith is more often than not a struggle.]
[In the face of meeting their alternate selves, Kyojuro had reflected on how unconsciously the two gravitated to one another. He realizes now that it's not an exclusive trait to those two men. The moment Akaza leans toward him, Kyojuro finds himself mimicking the moment. Their shoulders brush, and it takes everything in his power to resist the urge to lay his head atop Akaza's own.
That compulsion, he finds, is made all the harder to ignore by the gravity of the words he reads on the page. There's no hint of amusement at the words on the page, no urge to make fun of the rampant spelling mistakes. If anything, it endears him all the more. It's clear that what was written here was incredibly important to convey, regardless of how it was spelled. How could he ever mock that?
And maybe, just maybe, his heart begins to staccato at those words. They call to mind what Kyojuro has worked so hard to do up until this point. All he's begun to want was for Akaza to find a reason to continue believing in himself.
His resolve crumbles, and he finds himself brushing his cheek against the top of Akaza's head. He thumbs over the paragraph about himself thoughtfully.]
Some things never change.
[Though he might have wanted to linger here in this moment, there's still one paper remaining. Koyuki's own words are carefully pulled from the envelope and laid out in front of them. The faint sensation of anticipation begins to coil within Kyojuro's abdomen, and he finds himself struggling to swallow it down.
He holds the paper out for both of them to read.
I have always believed that love is the greatest gift of all. It’s not lost on me, how blessed I am by fate to have been allowed to love and be loved twice over. I wake every morning with this knowledge in my heart, and cherish each second I get to spend witnessing the warmth and adoration shared between the three of us. What we share goes so far beyond myself and what you give me, and into every special moment I get to watch you share with one another.
No matter what may happen, I vow to cherish that love for not only as long as I live, but for as many lives as I am given. Fate may deem it so that our paths may deviate, but I promise to watch over and cultivate whatever love you two find with one another, just as I know you would do the same for me. And if you even think about denying each other love ever again, I promise to haunt you in spirit until my body finds its way to you once more. ]
[of course even when kyojuro would be within full rights to mock, he doesn't. he actually seems moved by the ridiculous message.
it's so like him. akaza not only allows the weight of kyojuro's head on his, but leans into it. it's comforting on its own, but also serves to keep him grounded as he reads over koyuki's words in silence.
and reads them again. and a third time. he tries to begin again, but his vision clouds. of course. of course.
his neck cranes, his face turning to bury itself in kyojuro's shoulder. it's as much to hide his tears as it is to seek comfort. akaza is being incredibly selfish, he knows, given kyojuro's request for his own space in order to process the idea that they may not end up together after all. but he doesn't feel like he can help it, any more than he could stop himself from digging into a marechi's corpse if it was dropped right in front of him. to receive a proclamation of love in the same instance as a blessing of the men's union...
akaza can't keep himself from laughing, once or twice, through his tears. nor can he choke down a frustrated groan immediately after. this is infuriating. it's heart-wrenching, soul-crushing. it's...]
... not fair. [his strained voice comes muffled from where his face is shoved against kyojuro before he turns so only his cheek is pressed to the man's shirt.] I never had the chance to marry her, and that -- bastard got to have you both. [he feels like a child, complaining like this, but after everything, doesn't he deserve to lament what he lost?]
[In that moment, Kyojuro's request for distance is the last thing on his mind. The instant Akaza turns to him for comfort, he's reaching out and pulling the man closer. Unconscious and natural as the movement is, if they're not careful, the smaller man will effectively end up on his lap. Regardless of whether or not he resists that particular motion, Kyojuro's fingers definitely happen to wind up tangled in his hair.]
I know. It must be so cruel to witness.
[He means it. Regardless of his own fond feelings for Hakuji, he knows that Akaza feels otherwise. It is surely a slap in the face, a reminder of everything he lost. Even Kyojuro is himself a little winded at what he's read. It's an odd thing, to know he was so loved by a woman he never had the honor of meeting. His heart aches with the thought, lamenting what he would likely never have. In that same span, though, he is reminded of what sits right before him.
That's exactly why he doesn't once consider that he might be pushing his luck right now. It isn't about his feelings for Akaza. What he wants more than anything is to offer comfort, and so he does. He all but crushes Akaza to him with one arm a tender squeeze to remind him that he does not grieve alone.
Kyojuro's free hand, still holding the final piece of paper, shifts to carefully set it aside, far from where they sit. It's only to make sure it isn't ruined by either of them, and it's still within his own grasp should Akaza decide he wants it back. Then that hand joins the former in that careful embrace.]
I am... still so very sorry for your loss, my friend.
[kyojuro doesn't resist, doesn't pull back or take offense to akaza seeking comfort. part of the demon almost wishes he would. if he doesn't have the self-control to keep from placing this on kyojuro's shoulders, somebody needs to force it on him.
even knowing what a terrible person it makes him, akaza only tries to get closer. he turns his torso fully to kyojuro and mirrors him, wrapping both arms around him in a desperate bid for contact and reassurance.]
I'm sorry. It isn't your responsibility to treat this wound. But I'm still... [asking him to, in a way. no, life wasn't fair to the hakuji who akaza used to be, but it's also unfair of him to beg kyojuro to fix him.
he takes a deep, shaking breath and hooks his chin over kyojuro's shoulder.]
I'm... scared. I don't want to lose you, too. But I'm not like him. I don't know how to... be close to people anymore. I don't know how to treat you.
You have never once claimed that it was. But that does not keep me from volunteering willingly.
[He shifts his hand just enough to be able to rub his thumb against the back of Akaza's neck, even as his fingers remain buried in that short, pink hair. Despite his belief that Kyojuro might not want to bear the responsibility, he still lingers, right where he wants to be.]
Would you believe me if I said that my feelings came about long before I knew of his existence, Akaza? [He tilts his head just enough to speak above his ear. It's a hushed noise, a secret to be kept between the both of them.] If I had to trace it back, I would say it might have come about the night you offered to help me wash. Or perhaps when we spent the evening together, when I fell asleep with your hand in mine. [A fond laugh bubbles from his lips.] And though it was after we discovered the painting, I still believe the night we found this place, when we sat beside the pond, was entirely our own doing.
[Only now does he shift back, the hand in that hair tracing forward along Akaza's jaw until he can use it to coax his face upward. His voice, however, is no louder than before.]
You say you do not know how to be close to people, but I think you could not be further from the truth. Each and every one of those moments came about naturally, because of you as you are. You are plenty capable of being open and tender with others.
[Kyojuro allows himself one indulgence, his thumb sweeping up over the swoop over the center most tattoo of his right cheek.]
You do not have to feel obligated to say yes. If you still need time, take as much of it as you need. But if those are your concerns, then let me dispel them for you, right now. I would not be willing to stand at your side if I felt you did not treat me as I deserved. And I would not have become so enraptured with you if I did not feel plenty close to you as it is, Akaza.
[as much as akaza adores the boisterous way kyojuro usually speaks, it makes his spine tingle to think that this quiet tone is reserved for him. he's putty in the man's hands, leaning into the touch of his fingers wherever they wander. his brows pull up, and his eyes are wide with awe as pale lashes blink away his remaining tears. for as little as he thinks of himself, especially in matters like these, it's obvious how moved he is by kyojuro's observations. akaza can't even refute them; he simply didn't recognize them for what they were at the time.
another laugh escapes him, this one almost embarrassed. it's a decent way as any both to distract from his display of emotion and to reassure kyojuro of his own interest.]
"Enraptured?" Come on, Kyojuro. You don't need to flatter me. I already like you.
[Ultimately, there had been no hidden intention in Kyojuro's speech. The last thing he could want in this moment is for his words to be twisted into an attempt to gain Akaza's affections. No, all he wanted was for his friend to believe in both his capability and desirability.
All the same, he does huff directly into Akaza's face, an almost breathless and certainly exasperated laugh. A moment later, he juts his lower lip out into a pout.]
I am speaking solely from my heart! Do not write my conviction off as mere flattery!
[Still, his face is quick to soften once more. Though no tears remain in Akaza's eyes, Kyojuro still thumbs over both cheeks to wipe any lingering streaks away. Close as they are, and as precious as this moment feels, he cannot deny that there's a part of him wishing to capitalize on this tender moment by leaning in. And indeed, the confession from his companion does go a long way toward that.
He will not let it stir him forward, though. Too much is still unsaid when it comes to where they stand, and he won't risk the confidence and trust that has been placed in him.]
In case it needs to be said, I like you in turn. And I will wait as long as I must for you to be ready to take any further steps, should you desire it.
I know you are. [what he doesn't know is how to react to such genuine affection.
even if kyojuro won't, akaza will take the opportunity to move a bit closer. not anything too forward -- just pressing their foreheads together. his own hands are still wrapped around the other man, and he chances running them slowly up and down his shoulderblades. he may be better at kindness than he believes, but when it comes to physical intimacy, akaza truly is inexperienced, and isn't entirely sure what to do. all he knows with certainty is that he wants to be as close to kyojuro as he'll permit.]
... Personally, I don't really want to get haunted. She should get to be with her family instead of feeling obligated to ghost-stalk us.
[Those brows lift, and his eyes crinkle with the force of an almost devious grin. In one moment, Akaza is seated upon the ground, the picture of politeness and leaving room for demon Jesus. In the next, Kyojuro takes full advantage of his larger, broader frame by grabbing hold of Akaza and tugging him forth. With surprise on his side, it's easy enough to manhandle the other man into sitting sidelong across his lap. Though he does have to lift his forehead away temporarily, he'll gladly return to his former position once they've settled down again.
He is still beaming, even as he opens his eyes once more. Briefly, he inches forward, before pulling back just as quickly. Only now does he seem to falter. He knows what he wants, but given everything, he has to be absolutely certain.]
If you are confident in this trajectory then I should like to kiss you! To seal the deal, as it were. May I?
[yet again, his eyes widen, but it's actually in -- fear? of that close-to-wicked smile on kyojuro's goody-goody face. and yeah, sure, he is taken enough by surprise (not that he would fight, anyway; he trusts kyojuro implicitly) that he allows this to happen.
good luck to kyojuro not melting akaza's face off, though. we are reaching critical temperature.]
I -- that's... [he huffs, scowling despite blushing like a schoolgirl.] You're so damn formal and fancy, rich boy. You better not have lugged me over here just to not kiss me.
[Well, apparently he brought Akaza over to laugh in his fucking face. It's a delighted, mirthful noise, the sort of laugh that feels unfamiliar at times, given all that he's had to go through. Letting it out makes his chest feel light, almost fluttery. Or maybe that's just their proximity, perhaps even reality setting in.]
Is that to be your pet name for me? How disappointing!
[Thankfully, Kyojuro doesn't drag it out. He settles down long enough to return his hand to Akaza's face, holding his chin between a thumb and forefinger. This isn't their first kiss, but it is the first that they've shared as... whatever they happen to be, now. He intends to make it memorable, keeping the other man still long enough for their lips to brush. Once he's certain that Akaza won't accidentally try to yap and make their teeth clank together, he slides that hand back into his hair once more, cradling the back of his head.]
[it's a good thing that kyojuro does his best to keep akaza still, because he absolutely is floundering for either a comeback or a second, equally rude name... and he would surely mess this up if allowed to. yet again, as is becoming a near daily occurrence, kyojuro saves him from himself.
his own hands trail up past kyojuro's shoulders and into his hair, fingers spreading and combing through it to fluff it back up after his bath. in this moment, akaza decides he likes this wild, flaming hair down, and almost wishes he had more for kyojuro to grasp, in turn. he huffs against kyojuro's lips, tilting ever so much back into his hand.]
[A shiver works its way through Kyojuro's body, greedily responding to Akaza's touch. A thoughtful hum leaves him, a "verbal" confirmation that the touch is more than appreciated. He's always enjoyed having his hair played with, after all.
As for Akaza tilting his head back, well... That certainly feels like permission, doesn't it? Kyojuro shifts his frame accordingly. It allows him to deepen the kiss, lips parting against Akaza's ever so slightly — enough to offer the option, but not to overwhelm. In the meanwhile, slides his free hand down from Akaza's ribs to his hip, savoring the span of skin that his fingers dance across. Even as he settles, his thumb shifts outward, caressing Akaza's skin, tenderly as can be.]
[all of this is so strange, almost overwhelming. regardless of what went on in their previous lives, everything is new to akaza. prior to the brief, chaste kiss they shared by the koi pond, the most "intimate" hakuji had ever been with anyone was a kiss on koyuki's forehead or cheek. the closest akaza has ever held someone in a romantic context hadn't even been real; it was the way he clutched desperately onto her spirit as he crossed over.
sitting sprawled over kyojuro's lap, the sensation of warm breath cascading over his lips and the man's fingers brushing over his skin feels almost scandalous. and yet, even as a shiver runs up flesh that never truly gets cold, akaza doesn't fight it, he leans into it. he follows kyojuro's lead and allows his own lips to part as his fingers dig deeper in that hair so that he, too, can reassure kyojuro that he wants to keep him close.]
[Reciprocation and reassurance are all Kyojuro needs in this moment. He doesn't think he'll take it much further, but he's held himself back for just long enough to well and truly want to indulge. Really, it takes everything in his power not to lap greedily into his mouth and savor every second of it. Rightfully, he assumes that Akaza's experience is limited, considering everything that Kyojuro has picked up on. It wouldn't do to overwhelm him.
Instead, he allows a slower approach. He traces his tongue against Akaza's lower lip first, then carefully presses inward. His initial intent might have been to simply taste and call it good, but temptation gets the better of him in the end. He cannot help the way he drifts toward one of those fangs, scraping against the tip just long enough to sting before backing off once more.
Only then does he part from the kiss, letting out a pleased noise as he does. It fades into a low rumble of laughter as he tilts his head, pressing a kiss to Akaza's cheek, then his temple, and finally just behind his ear.
He'll stay as close as Akaza likes for as long as he likes, thank you.]
[it's one thing to be face to face with kyojuro, overwhelmed by his scent and touch and nothing but. it's something else entirely for the man to willingly put himself in akaza's mouth, to press against his fang -- something lights up in his brain like an artillery shell, urging him to bite down. his blood had tasted incredible, and surely a mouthful of solid flesh would go so far beyond that --
kyojuro pulls back before akaza can either give in or even consciously fight these thoughts, and the demon has to quickly untangle a hand to wipe at his own mouth with urgency. he doesn't know what would be worse, kyojuro being horrified by his spontaneous salivation, or laughing at it.
as the man peppers surface-level kisses across his skin, akaza huffs and grows ever redder.]
[Akaza's frantic movement is not lost on Kyojuro. The only thing that he can't place is why? Was their kiss so messy to have upset him? If that's the case, then he'll need to make a mental note — more ways to toy with and please his dear companion, after all. And if it went beyond that, well... Something to contemplate later, he supposes.
For now, he leans back far enough to survey his handiwork. Drawing color to those normally deathly pale cheeks sends a near paralyzing thrill through Kyojuro, one that might have made him weak at the knees, were he on his feet. Instead, it just compels a possessive flame within his chest that has him leaning forward to steal one last kiss.
He lingers close to Akaza's lips, close enough that they might yet brush again as he speaks in a low purr.]
That depends. Are you pleased? Because that is all I want.
[even pressing the vulnerable parts of his body against an upper moon, kyojuro still manages to remain infuriatingly in control of the situation. akaza swallows with a visible bob of the throat, especially under the scrutiny of kyojuro's gaze, and the way he continues to draw himself ever closer. although he doesn't need oxygen, the demon finds himself unable to catch his breath with kyojuro's lips still so tantalizingly near.]
I... [am, of course, he thinks to say, but his body betrays his mind.] ... want to bite you. [a shuddering, ashamed huff escapes him as the redness in his face renews itself.] I mean -- of course I am!
[There's something almost intoxicating about the way Akaza threatens to come apart beneath even the gentlest of affections. A need to draw out more, to make him squirm and huff all the more, overcomes Kyojuro. As he waits for Akaza to respond, he allows himself to walk kisses against his jaw, low rumble rising up from his chest.
That upper hand lasts only a short while. That rushed confession first makes him reel back, looking amused at first. He expects it to be a joke, and certainly isn't prepared for the way Akaza frantically tries to walk it back.
Well. It's just ridiculous enough to make Kyojuro outright laugh.]
Is that so? [His eyes dance with that mirth.] Is that normal for you? To respond to affection with hunger?
[Well, at least there isn't anger or revulsion there.]
[well, kyojuro sure gets what he's aiming for; akaza shudders and flushes all the way down to his collarbone, faced with this much open affection. the color grows yet deeper to see his stupid outburst garner such a reaction out of his -- his -- human.]
It isn't -- [it is hunger, though. he was literally just fantasizing about biting off and eating kyojuro's tongue. gods, was this a mistake? but kyojuro hasn't done anything wrong, and for akaza to switch gears out of nowhere would only serve to hurt him...
it's only for kyojuro's sake that the demon chokes down his shame and self-loathing and tries to salvage things. he tucks his head down, chin to his collarbone, and only glances up at kyojuro from the corners of his eyes.]
I... don't know. I haven't... felt like this, since becoming a demon.
[The shift in mood isn't lost on Kyojuro. Though he does not shy away, he makes a note not to press physically right now, if only because he does not want to make a joke of Akaza's apparent discomfort. That doesn't keep him from lifting a hand and laying it in his hair, though. He can kill two birds with one stone like this — offer reassurance, yes, but to get his fill of contact with Akaza in the meanwhile as well.]
I imagine it is all very new to you. [In more ways than one, he can imagine.] Would it comfort you to know that I would not mind a bite or two. I imagine it could be quite - [He clears his throat.] Alluring, I suppose.
[ugh, fucking kyojuro. of course he manages to soothe akaza even somewhat with that gentle and thoughtful touch. and yet, when he talks again about allowing the demon to bite him, akaza once more finds his mouth watering. it only gets worse thinking about eating.
as does the state of his mind. his eyes dart to the papers respectfully laid aside, and instantly guilt overwhelms him once more. to daydream about consuming kyojuro's flesh right beside all of their deepest confessions of love toward one another... akaza is disgusted with himself, far more so even than when he considers eating the cut that he himself sought out at the shop.
once more, he has to wipe at his lips as he fully turns his head from kyojuro.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-11-12 10:05 pm (UTC)... I want to know what was going through our heads. They mentioned how they thought... Koyuki felt, but... [it's still so hard to even speak her name aloud, but it feels necessary to prove to both himself and kyojuro that he's actually ready for this.] I'd like to hear it directly from her, or as close as we can get, considering. [a written page is not the same as her voice, but it's still her.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-12 10:12 pm (UTC)He recognizes his own handwriting immediately. He carefully smooths out the paper before them, giving them both the chance to read over it.
For years I have roamed this land, confident that I would never feel bound to one specific place. Then, I met you both, and found myself irrevocably tethered to your orbit. You are my sky and my earth, giving me reason to not only rise and provide you with light on our path forward, but to fall and allow others to be my strength. I promise to never deviate from this path, not only in this life, but in every life we may lead. And should fate see to separate us, I swear that as your husband, I will burn away the dark as many times as I must to find my way back to you.
Kyojuro is silent as he reads and re-reads the words. A smile creeps across his face. Despite centuries separating the two of them, there's no denying that this was certainly his handiwork.]
Seems I was well aware of my own shortcomings. Perhaps I ought to take a page out of that book!
sorry for going off. also just pretend this icon is akaza specifically
Date: 2025-11-12 10:35 pm (UTC)You already are. [sure, it took kyojuro pointing out examples for akaza to truly realize it, but he's glad to reinforce that now.
the next page is in hakuji's own scrawl; it's immediately obvious that he had no more formal education than akaza did in his own childhood, but his brushwork and spelling were still nowhere near as atrocious as his is. it makes sense that being in a relationship with a teacher and a writer, hakuji would have improved at a quicker pace. even so, akaza's face steadily reddens with embarrassment. this piece of paper wasn't as polite as the netbook as to make his errors more legible.
Befor I found ether of you, I had no direcsion in life. I was like a wild animal, just fiteing so my dad and I coud live to see the next day, surviveing but not really living.
I met you, Koyuki, and I lerned life coud be more then an eternel struggel. You didont owe me anything, but you still gave me so much -- love, laufter, som one to care about beeyond my own blood. Som times, I felt like I was a ferril cat, and you came to me every day with a jentle hand, unconditonal affecsion, nurishment I didont reelize I needed. At some point, I reelized that Ide become dumesticated, and that I was always ment to be.
I met you two, Kyojuro, and my world became so much bigger than I ever imajined it coud be. Even if I was "dumesticated," I still wasent properly soshalized until you showed me how to be open, to share myself. I didont reelize I had much at all to share, but from the start, you wer warm and enthuzeastic, and you refuzed to aloww me to dowbt myself.
I woudent be who I am now withowt the both of you. You gave me purpuse, and a path to walk in life, to nurchure and protect. Koyuki, Kyojuro, you two are my compass, my north star. I prommise to spend this life, and every life we mite leed, honoring everything youve both givven me and tought me. I prommise to love you, to protect you, to support you, always and forever.
akaza certainly can't deny how deeply he feels the words, even with their situations being worlds apart. there's also the odd comfort of both kyojuro and hakuji having been so confident that they would meet in other lives; as much as akaza was raised to believe in reincarnation, after everything he's been through, having any sort of faith is more often than not a struggle.]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-12 10:47 pm (UTC)That compulsion, he finds, is made all the harder to ignore by the gravity of the words he reads on the page. There's no hint of amusement at the words on the page, no urge to make fun of the rampant spelling mistakes. If anything, it endears him all the more. It's clear that what was written here was incredibly important to convey, regardless of how it was spelled. How could he ever mock that?
And maybe, just maybe, his heart begins to staccato at those words. They call to mind what Kyojuro has worked so hard to do up until this point. All he's begun to want was for Akaza to find a reason to continue believing in himself.
His resolve crumbles, and he finds himself brushing his cheek against the top of Akaza's head. He thumbs over the paragraph about himself thoughtfully.]
Some things never change.
[Though he might have wanted to linger here in this moment, there's still one paper remaining. Koyuki's own words are carefully pulled from the envelope and laid out in front of them. The faint sensation of anticipation begins to coil within Kyojuro's abdomen, and he finds himself struggling to swallow it down.
He holds the paper out for both of them to read.
I have always believed that love is the greatest gift of all. It’s not lost on me, how blessed I am by fate to have been allowed to love and be loved twice over. I wake every morning with this knowledge in my heart, and cherish each second I get to spend witnessing the warmth and adoration shared between the three of us. What we share goes so far beyond myself and what you give me, and into every special moment I get to watch you share with one another.
No matter what may happen, I vow to cherish that love for not only as long as I live, but for as many lives as I am given. Fate may deem it so that our paths may deviate, but I promise to watch over and cultivate whatever love you two find with one another, just as I know you would do the same for me. And if you even think about denying each other love ever again, I promise to haunt you in spirit until my body finds its way to you once more. ]
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Date: 2025-11-12 11:29 pm (UTC)it's so like him. akaza not only allows the weight of kyojuro's head on his, but leans into it. it's comforting on its own, but also serves to keep him grounded as he reads over koyuki's words in silence.
and reads them again. and a third time. he tries to begin again, but his vision clouds. of course. of course.
his neck cranes, his face turning to bury itself in kyojuro's shoulder. it's as much to hide his tears as it is to seek comfort. akaza is being incredibly selfish, he knows, given kyojuro's request for his own space in order to process the idea that they may not end up together after all. but he doesn't feel like he can help it, any more than he could stop himself from digging into a marechi's corpse if it was dropped right in front of him. to receive a proclamation of love in the same instance as a blessing of the men's union...
akaza can't keep himself from laughing, once or twice, through his tears. nor can he choke down a frustrated groan immediately after. this is infuriating. it's heart-wrenching, soul-crushing. it's...]
... not fair. [his strained voice comes muffled from where his face is shoved against kyojuro before he turns so only his cheek is pressed to the man's shirt.] I never had the chance to marry her, and that -- bastard got to have you both. [he feels like a child, complaining like this, but after everything, doesn't he deserve to lament what he lost?]
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Date: 2025-11-12 11:40 pm (UTC)I know. It must be so cruel to witness.
[He means it. Regardless of his own fond feelings for Hakuji, he knows that Akaza feels otherwise. It is surely a slap in the face, a reminder of everything he lost. Even Kyojuro is himself a little winded at what he's read. It's an odd thing, to know he was so loved by a woman he never had the honor of meeting. His heart aches with the thought, lamenting what he would likely never have. In that same span, though, he is reminded of what sits right before him.
That's exactly why he doesn't once consider that he might be pushing his luck right now. It isn't about his feelings for Akaza. What he wants more than anything is to offer comfort, and so he does. He all but crushes Akaza to him with one arm a tender squeeze to remind him that he does not grieve alone.
Kyojuro's free hand, still holding the final piece of paper, shifts to carefully set it aside, far from where they sit. It's only to make sure it isn't ruined by either of them, and it's still within his own grasp should Akaza decide he wants it back. Then that hand joins the former in that careful embrace.]
I am... still so very sorry for your loss, my friend.
[He knows this cannot possibly be easy for him.]
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Date: 2025-11-12 11:56 pm (UTC)even knowing what a terrible person it makes him, akaza only tries to get closer. he turns his torso fully to kyojuro and mirrors him, wrapping both arms around him in a desperate bid for contact and reassurance.]
I'm sorry. It isn't your responsibility to treat this wound. But I'm still... [asking him to, in a way. no, life wasn't fair to the hakuji who akaza used to be, but it's also unfair of him to beg kyojuro to fix him.
he takes a deep, shaking breath and hooks his chin over kyojuro's shoulder.]
I'm... scared. I don't want to lose you, too. But I'm not like him. I don't know how to... be close to people anymore. I don't know how to treat you.
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Date: 2025-11-13 12:14 am (UTC)[He shifts his hand just enough to be able to rub his thumb against the back of Akaza's neck, even as his fingers remain buried in that short, pink hair. Despite his belief that Kyojuro might not want to bear the responsibility, he still lingers, right where he wants to be.]
Would you believe me if I said that my feelings came about long before I knew of his existence, Akaza? [He tilts his head just enough to speak above his ear. It's a hushed noise, a secret to be kept between the both of them.] If I had to trace it back, I would say it might have come about the night you offered to help me wash. Or perhaps when we spent the evening together, when I fell asleep with your hand in mine. [A fond laugh bubbles from his lips.] And though it was after we discovered the painting, I still believe the night we found this place, when we sat beside the pond, was entirely our own doing.
[Only now does he shift back, the hand in that hair tracing forward along Akaza's jaw until he can use it to coax his face upward. His voice, however, is no louder than before.]
You say you do not know how to be close to people, but I think you could not be further from the truth. Each and every one of those moments came about naturally, because of you as you are. You are plenty capable of being open and tender with others.
[Kyojuro allows himself one indulgence, his thumb sweeping up over the swoop over the center most tattoo of his right cheek.]
You do not have to feel obligated to say yes. If you still need time, take as much of it as you need. But if those are your concerns, then let me dispel them for you, right now. I would not be willing to stand at your side if I felt you did not treat me as I deserved. And I would not have become so enraptured with you if I did not feel plenty close to you as it is, Akaza.
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Date: 2025-11-13 12:39 am (UTC)another laugh escapes him, this one almost embarrassed. it's a decent way as any both to distract from his display of emotion and to reassure kyojuro of his own interest.]
"Enraptured?" Come on, Kyojuro. You don't need to flatter me. I already like you.
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Date: 2025-11-13 12:51 am (UTC)All the same, he does huff directly into Akaza's face, an almost breathless and certainly exasperated laugh. A moment later, he juts his lower lip out into a pout.]
I am speaking solely from my heart! Do not write my conviction off as mere flattery!
[Still, his face is quick to soften once more. Though no tears remain in Akaza's eyes, Kyojuro still thumbs over both cheeks to wipe any lingering streaks away. Close as they are, and as precious as this moment feels, he cannot deny that there's a part of him wishing to capitalize on this tender moment by leaning in. And indeed, the confession from his companion does go a long way toward that.
He will not let it stir him forward, though. Too much is still unsaid when it comes to where they stand, and he won't risk the confidence and trust that has been placed in him.]
In case it needs to be said, I like you in turn. And I will wait as long as I must for you to be ready to take any further steps, should you desire it.
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Date: 2025-11-13 02:19 am (UTC)I know you are. [what he doesn't know is how to react to such genuine affection.
even if kyojuro won't, akaza will take the opportunity to move a bit closer. not anything too forward -- just pressing their foreheads together. his own hands are still wrapped around the other man, and he chances running them slowly up and down his shoulderblades. he may be better at kindness than he believes, but when it comes to physical intimacy, akaza truly is inexperienced, and isn't entirely sure what to do. all he knows with certainty is that he wants to be as close to kyojuro as he'll permit.]
... Personally, I don't really want to get haunted. She should get to be with her family instead of feeling obligated to ghost-stalk us.
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Date: 2025-11-13 02:27 am (UTC)[Those brows lift, and his eyes crinkle with the force of an almost devious grin. In one moment, Akaza is seated upon the ground, the picture of politeness and leaving room for demon Jesus. In the next, Kyojuro takes full advantage of his larger, broader frame by grabbing hold of Akaza and tugging him forth. With surprise on his side, it's easy enough to manhandle the other man into sitting sidelong across his lap. Though he does have to lift his forehead away temporarily, he'll gladly return to his former position once they've settled down again.
He is still beaming, even as he opens his eyes once more. Briefly, he inches forward, before pulling back just as quickly. Only now does he seem to falter. He knows what he wants, but given everything, he has to be absolutely certain.]
If you are confident in this trajectory then I should like to kiss you! To seal the deal, as it were. May I?
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Date: 2025-11-13 02:44 am (UTC)good luck to kyojuro not melting akaza's face off, though. we are reaching critical temperature.]
I -- that's... [he huffs, scowling despite blushing like a schoolgirl.] You're so damn formal and fancy, rich boy. You better not have lugged me over here just to not kiss me.
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Date: 2025-11-13 02:48 am (UTC)Is that to be your pet name for me? How disappointing!
[Thankfully, Kyojuro doesn't drag it out. He settles down long enough to return his hand to Akaza's face, holding his chin between a thumb and forefinger. This isn't their first kiss, but it is the first that they've shared as... whatever they happen to be, now. He intends to make it memorable, keeping the other man still long enough for their lips to brush. Once he's certain that Akaza won't accidentally try to yap and make their teeth clank together, he slides that hand back into his hair once more, cradling the back of his head.]
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Date: 2025-11-13 03:46 am (UTC)his own hands trail up past kyojuro's shoulders and into his hair, fingers spreading and combing through it to fluff it back up after his bath. in this moment, akaza decides he likes this wild, flaming hair down, and almost wishes he had more for kyojuro to grasp, in turn. he huffs against kyojuro's lips, tilting ever so much back into his hand.]
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Date: 2025-11-13 03:55 am (UTC)As for Akaza tilting his head back, well... That certainly feels like permission, doesn't it? Kyojuro shifts his frame accordingly. It allows him to deepen the kiss, lips parting against Akaza's ever so slightly — enough to offer the option, but not to overwhelm. In the meanwhile, slides his free hand down from Akaza's ribs to his hip, savoring the span of skin that his fingers dance across. Even as he settles, his thumb shifts outward, caressing Akaza's skin, tenderly as can be.]
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Date: 2025-11-13 06:03 am (UTC)sitting sprawled over kyojuro's lap, the sensation of warm breath cascading over his lips and the man's fingers brushing over his skin feels almost scandalous. and yet, even as a shiver runs up flesh that never truly gets cold, akaza doesn't fight it, he leans into it. he follows kyojuro's lead and allows his own lips to part as his fingers dig deeper in that hair so that he, too, can reassure kyojuro that he wants to keep him close.]
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Date: 2025-11-13 06:11 am (UTC)Instead, he allows a slower approach. He traces his tongue against Akaza's lower lip first, then carefully presses inward. His initial intent might have been to simply taste and call it good, but temptation gets the better of him in the end. He cannot help the way he drifts toward one of those fangs, scraping against the tip just long enough to sting before backing off once more.
Only then does he part from the kiss, letting out a pleased noise as he does. It fades into a low rumble of laughter as he tilts his head, pressing a kiss to Akaza's cheek, then his temple, and finally just behind his ear.
He'll stay as close as Akaza likes for as long as he likes, thank you.]
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Date: 2025-11-13 04:28 pm (UTC)kyojuro pulls back before akaza can either give in or even consciously fight these thoughts, and the demon has to quickly untangle a hand to wipe at his own mouth with urgency. he doesn't know what would be worse, kyojuro being horrified by his spontaneous salivation, or laughing at it.
as the man peppers surface-level kisses across his skin, akaza huffs and grows ever redder.]
You're -- pleased with yourself, aren't you?
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Date: 2025-11-13 04:38 pm (UTC)For now, he leans back far enough to survey his handiwork. Drawing color to those normally deathly pale cheeks sends a near paralyzing thrill through Kyojuro, one that might have made him weak at the knees, were he on his feet. Instead, it just compels a possessive flame within his chest that has him leaning forward to steal one last kiss.
He lingers close to Akaza's lips, close enough that they might yet brush again as he speaks in a low purr.]
That depends. Are you pleased? Because that is all I want.
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Date: 2025-11-28 04:21 pm (UTC)I... [am, of course, he thinks to say, but his body betrays his mind.] ... want to bite you. [a shuddering, ashamed huff escapes him as the redness in his face renews itself.] I mean -- of course I am!
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Date: 2025-11-28 10:44 pm (UTC)That upper hand lasts only a short while. That rushed confession first makes him reel back, looking amused at first. He expects it to be a joke, and certainly isn't prepared for the way Akaza frantically tries to walk it back.
Well. It's just ridiculous enough to make Kyojuro outright laugh.]
Is that so? [His eyes dance with that mirth.] Is that normal for you? To respond to affection with hunger?
[Well, at least there isn't anger or revulsion there.]
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Date: 2025-11-29 03:02 am (UTC)It isn't -- [it is hunger, though. he was literally just fantasizing about biting off and eating kyojuro's tongue. gods, was this a mistake? but kyojuro hasn't done anything wrong, and for akaza to switch gears out of nowhere would only serve to hurt him...
it's only for kyojuro's sake that the demon chokes down his shame and self-loathing and tries to salvage things. he tucks his head down, chin to his collarbone, and only glances up at kyojuro from the corners of his eyes.]
I... don't know. I haven't... felt like this, since becoming a demon.
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Date: 2025-11-29 03:07 am (UTC)I imagine it is all very new to you. [In more ways than one, he can imagine.] Would it comfort you to know that I would not mind a bite or two. I imagine it could be quite - [He clears his throat.] Alluring, I suppose.
[Though, that does beg the question:]
When was the last time you ate?
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Date: 2025-11-29 03:21 am (UTC)as does the state of his mind. his eyes dart to the papers respectfully laid aside, and instantly guilt overwhelms him once more. to daydream about consuming kyojuro's flesh right beside all of their deepest confessions of love toward one another... akaza is disgusted with himself, far more so even than when he considers eating the cut that he himself sought out at the shop.
once more, he has to wipe at his lips as he fully turns his head from kyojuro.]
I -- haven't.
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From:cw: cannibalism, arguably a touch of self-harm
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From:cw: cannibalism. and something so wrong with akaza :)
From:cw: cannibalism. and something so wrong with akaza :) (just gonna keep that)
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